Another Sex Blog

How unusual IS it for a woman to really really really love sex? In all it’s raunchiest. In all it’s kinkiest. To love cock. To love being fucked.

To think about it at LEAST once every time seeing (literally) a new guy?

C’mon, I can’t really be that unusual, right?

I don’t understand my female friends who SAY that sex just isn’t that important to them. That they never get SO turned on that they just HAVE to masturbate or go insane.

I know there are other women like me out there. And likely on here. Why do we have to be such freaks?

(Btw, I feel complete sympathy for guys who *don’t* constantly think of sex… I’m guessing they feel similar to how I do in regards to this post.)

I love being a woman. I love dressing up and makeup and my breasts and multiple orgasms and lots and lots of things that come with being female. The pluses, to me, totally surpass the minuses (of which there are many!). But, sexually, I feel like I can relate more to how guys are. Or at least are stereotypically.

Dammit, I think I’m a guy man inside a woman’s body. Except for the boobs thing. I’m so glad I have mine.

I read a lot. Really, lots and lots. A pretty wide variety of kinds of books, too. Included in that are lots of books about sex. Erotica, instruction, psychological, sociological. All kinds.

Yeah, I read those self-help, how-to ones that are more about dating than sex, too.

He’s Just Not That Into You. It’s brilliant. Really. It’s definitely written for women; I think if a guy read it he’d think, “Well, duh, isn’t this all obvious? You had to buy and read about to know this stuff???”

Well, yes. That’s the problem. Even if a guy is doing (or not doing) all kinds of things that really should make it clear he’s “not that into you” a lot of women still need to be smacked over the head.

I read the book a long time ago, when it first came out and I vaguely remember thinking it was spot on then, too. However I’d forgotten that I owned it and came across it yesterday. Kind of in the same vein that women (ok, I) need to be smacked over the head sometimes, it’s a good book to re-read periodically.

Of course, really accepting that a guy isn’t into you can be ego-crushing. Not something to think about too much if you’re already in a low self esteem mood. Luckily, I have at least three guys who are very generous in their compliments to me which make me feel all good about myself. (No, it’s not *only* compliments from others that make me feel good about myself; I’m more psychologically stable than that. But, they sure help!) So, the other potentials that have done (or not done) these “not into you” things… I can shrug it off easier.

Can someone tell my why the hell it’s snowing at the end of MARCH????

This is a question I posted on AdultFriendFinder recently:

So, I often go out by myself. I go to restaurants alone. I
go to movies alone. I go shopping alone. I’m totally
comfortable being alone.

But what about going to a bar? Is it really weird to see a woman
alone at a bar?

Also, any suggestions for bars (or restaurants with bars)
in the Chicagoland area where a single woman could go alone,
people watch, and not be either in danger or seem like a complete
weirdo?

Thanks for any input.

Wow, some of the responses.  Geesh.  A lot of them were warning me about the danger of going out alone as a woman.  Some people included going to restaurants or movies alone along with that.  WTF?  I go LOTS of place all by my lonesome.  There are really people who are afraid to do that?

Second, I’m not some naive bumpkin.  Yes, I realize there *are* dangers out there, but I’m not an idiot.  Argh.  Anyway, that wasn’t at all what my question was about.  I’m just irritated by some of the responses I got.

I did get a few helpful answers.  Upscale hotel bars.  Restaurants with bars.

Thinking about trying it tonight.

Dan Savage is… amazing. A genius. My hero. I LOVE that guy. I read his column every week and last week was the first time I was, well, disappointed in his advice.

A guy wrote in asking what to do about differing libido levels in a couple. His wife had bought and read the book I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido by Joan Sewell who declares that ALL women have a lower libido than men do. They just naturally don’t want sex as often as guys, it’s just how it is, and nothing’s going to change that.

Mr. Savage did not say that this was a load of bullshit. THAT’S what I found so disappointing. I mean, come ON, I *know* he gets lots of letters with the same complaint, but with the genders switched. So, I got pissed off. And then promptly forgot about it.

Until I got my weekly email letting me know that Dan Savage’s new column has been posted. (I read it via The Village Voice online, btw.)

YAY for Dan Savage’s March 20th, 2007 column!!!! (And indirectly, the one on March 13th, too.)

He admits that he “accepted the premise” and “ran with it” because he knew that Ms. Sewell and other idiots like her (my choice of words, not his) would just ignore him if he said, hell YEAH there are women with raging libidos who want sex all the time. He also knew that his loyal readers would write in to him in response taking him to task.

Oh, how lazy I feel for not having done the same!

The letters from readers this week rock.

And I love the complaints these women bring up, besides with Dan for not remembering them, too. Sure, guys SAY that they want a woman who wants sex all the time, but I’ve rarely found a guy that means that. A quote from one of the letters:

On an average day, I would prefer to have sex twice. This is too much sex for the average man. Men think they want sex every day, but when given the opportunity, they start complaining about how tired they are after a week or two.

Yup.

Btw, his original advice for the guy whose wife didn’t want sex nearly as often as he did was advice he’s given many times:

One thing that hasn’t changed in the wake of Sewell’s book is my advice to women with low libidos: You can have strict monogamy or you can have a low libido, ladies, but you can’t have both. If monogamy is a priority, you’re gonna have to put out, i.e., regular vaginal intercourse and the occasional tide-him-over handjob and/or blowjob, cheerfully given. If all you wanna do is sit there and eat chocolate, you’re gonna have to turn a blind eye to lap dances and mistresses and happy endings and the return of trade, i.e., gay guys giving NSA head to straight guys.

I (and the other hot and horny women who DID write to him last week — damn, I’m lazy) agree. But, it goes the other way, too. Argh, I could go on and on and on agreeing with what these women wrote, quoting bits and pieces.

I really did know I wasn’t the only women to have a higher sex drive than is “normal.” For women OR for men. But, it’s still nice to hear from others like me. You know?

READ IT!

Guys will fuck anything that moves.

That’s what a lot of people believe. Or say they believe anyway.

I think about sex a lot. (I know, you’re saying “Noooo. Really?”) I don’t mean fantasizing, though I do that, too. I think about psychological and physical aspects of sex. I just find it fascinating and have the hardest time understanding that not everyone does, but that’s another thing I spend time thinking about…

So, the idea that men aren’t picky when it comes to who they’ll have sex with is one of those concepts, ideas, memes, that I sometimes ponder. I’m talking about basically a horny one-night stand, btw, not an ongoing relationship — even of the No Strings Attached variety.

So, guys, is it true?

It seems to me that people tend to hook up, either short term or long term, with people similar to themselves. In terms of looks. Good looking people with good looking people. Average with average. Etc. Yeah, there are the exceptions — the really hot model with the super rich not-so-hot older guy being the stereotypical example. But, you know, in general.

But when it’s “Hey, I wanna get laid tonight. Let’s see who I can take home…?”

Women (in general — this is all in general, I realize it could be different for any one individual) tend to only have sex with men they’re attracted to. Now that could be completely physical, but women also tend to find a guy that they really LIKE for whatever reason more attractive. As they get to know a guy, and begin to like him, their attraction actually grows. Sorry, I’m digressing.

Hmmm… it just occurred to me that there’s also the beer-goggles factor to consider.

Yes, this is *really* the kind of thing I spend LOTS of time wondering about.

I’m an optimist. Which basically means that — well, actually it means I do spend a lot of my time quite happy. Looking forward to things. Being hopeful. But it also means I’m frequently disappointed.

I went on another second date. And to all you people who might be thinking, hey, I thought you were on hiatus… oh just shut up. Alright, I might as well address that first.

I was on hiatus from AFF. I’m on another site that’s like the evil twin of AdultFriendFinder. I hadn’t been very active over there before, but thought I’d give it a chance. So, actually I *have* been seeing new people. Just only new very kinky people. Ok. End of confession.

So, in my post about no more 2nd dates, I mentioned a guy who I said I *would* go on a second date with. And then he emailed me. Having read that. I think. So, I said yes.

On the first date, he was awesomely nice to me. He flirted with me. He gave me compliments — lots of them. Even though compliments make me a bit uncomfortable and I can never completely believe them, I’m still a complete sucker for them. And once we got to the down and dirty stuff, he was attentive. If you know what I mean. (Pssst… that means he seemed to both *care* if I came AND made an active attempt to make it happen.)

I just got home from the second date. Originally it was supposed to be from 8 p.m. tonight right through til tomorrow. Then he moved it up to this afternoon. And made reference to how it would be a close to 24 hour session. Or at least 24 hours of being together. Take a look at the time of this post. Yeah. I’m home.

Second date was EXACTLY what I said they all are in my previous post when I declared my new no 2nd date rule. Except that it didn’t last only an hour. Looking at that other post I see that I didn’t actually write as much as I thought I did. Other second dates were lasting about an hour. That whole call girl reference was referring to that. So, this one lasted a lot longer, but relative to how long it was supposed to go, is this really any different?

And instead of my not coming at all when the guy does get to come, this time I didn’t come and he came three times. He may be reading this and be pissed off that I’m complaining. I don’t know. If so, let me point out that it’s not personal. It’s just how guys are, I guess. I should know that by now. He’s also probably thinking that I came twice. NO, I said “I’m going to cum” twice. Not the same thing.

Oh, and not one compliment at all. Good to see you doesn’t count.

Really this post is not about him. It’s about me being stupidly optimistic and not paying attention to my own rules that I made based on my own observations. I’m sure I’ll do it again.

I don’t think it’s possible to have what I say I want in my profile. My new one. Yes, I’m changing the subject. Guys can’t be extraordinarily turned on by a girl and really really want to fuck her AND like her. (I don’t mean to rant against men — it’s just that I’m looking for a guy to do that so it doesn’t concern me whether or not it’s possible for women. Or anteaters. Or elm trees.) Someone said in response to my new profile — back when it was just a blog posting — that awww, I was looking for love. No, I’m not. All I want is like. I really don’t need love and devotion and commitment and all that. I just want to be liked AND lusted after.

I don’t think that’s possible. So, back to one date only. Because I don’t want to give up the sex that I love so much just to have some guy like me. My friends like me. My family, most of them, like me. Hell, most of the time *I* like me, too. I don’t actually lust after myself, but I do make myself cum… I think I’m just going to hang out with myself for a while.

Guys who are reading this… if anyone’s gotten all the way this far!… this is NOT an anti-guy rant. I love men. I *like* them. This post is mainly a reminder for myself to read.

1) Do NOT go on second dates! You will NOT have good sex AND you’ll be reminded that the guy doesn’t LIKE you. Stop. Don’t do it!

2) If the guy doesn’t get you off just do it yourself. And if he makes a joke about you doing so, punch him in the balls while he’s still lying there naked and go back to what you were doing.

3) Don’t let guys know that you like sex and not just sex with them. Guys SAY that’s appealing. Then they get all grumpy when you make any reference to it.

4) Make sure that there’s still some ice cream in the refrigerator when you get home from a date because it really sucks to be depressed and have to get back in your car to go get some.

Warning: If the whole idea of menstruation grosses you out, go away. And don’t come back, either.

When it’s that time of the month, I get really horny.

Lots of guys don’t want to have sex with a woman who’s having her period.

Which kinda pisses me off, btw. Ok, if you really have a phobia of blood, then I can understand that. Otherwise, throw down a few towels. It’s wet and slippery and messy all other times, too. Just this time the stains would be more obvious. And harder to remove. Hence the towels.

Guys finding menstruation disgusting is a huge pet peeve of mine. Don’t you dare “ewwww gross!” my cunt when it’s behaving perfectly normally.

Honestly, I don’t like the mess either. I think somewhere I’ve mentioned this before, but I like to use the Instead cup. No mess. Clean sex is possible. However, it’s pretty obvious that there’s something foreign up in there.

Dammit. I want sex. But I’m afraid of a guy’s reaction if I tell them that I’m having my period. So, I just avoid the situation.

If anyone has any advice on how to better handle that situation, feel free to share.