Another Sex Blog

But, yeah, now I’m looking for a relationship of some sort. Let’s call it a friends-with-benefits-with-potential.

That’s something I have in my profile. Most of the guys I’ve actually met up with IRL seem to have understood what I meant by that — so that’s good.

What’s not good, is that I’m not sure what to do when it becomes clear that there’s no longer any potential. When it just becomes clear that an LTR just ain’t gonna happen. What then?

It’s not so much of a problem when it’s pretty clear after just one meeting. It’s more difficult to break things off when it goes beyond that.

There’s one guy I’ve met via Adult FriendFinder that really IS a FWB. I know we’re never going to have a romantic relationship or even anything long term. Some day he’s going to find a “real” girlfriend and, since he doesn’t believe in open relationship or being poly, our benefits part will go away. And I’m really ok with that. With him. He’s the exception.

Because I *am* looking for an LTR. But only if it’s right. I’m much happier being “single” than being in a relationship JUST to be in a relationship. (Look up “quirkyalone” for a much better description of that than I can explain.)

So, anyway, when it becomes clear to me that I just can’t see myself in a deeper relationship with someone I’ve met, I don’t see the point in continuing things. lol. I haven’t come across sex that’s *THAT* good yet, anyway. And while it’s NOT true in the real world that any woman can get laid any time she wants (a topic for another post sometime), it IS true here on Adult FriendFinder. So, it’s not like I’d keep seeing someone just because it might be my only chance for sex.

In one case when this happened — no, two cases — neither of us contacted the other again. This was after multiple meetings. It wasn’t even like we had a fight or disagreement. It just stopped.

Right now I have more than one… argh, what do I even call it?… friendships with benefits withOUT potential that I need to cut off. Even though they probably feel the same way, at least that’s been my experience so far, it makes for an uncomfortable feeling.

I feel like I might hurt their feelings. I’m afraid they’ll think that’s awfully egotistical of me to think that it would matter to them.

I’m sure it seems absurd to some here that I’m hoping for a so-called REAL relationship (though not traditional by any means).

I am, though. I can’t spend my friday and saturday nights with people who I *know* I won’t want to be hanging out with a year from now.

Just venting. Thanks for listening. As Always.

… 33 years ago. Yay, me. My goal is to live forever. So far, so good. (Yeah, I know that’s not original, but it cracks me up!)

I thanked my mom this morning for having me. She said, “It was fun. Well, not the having part so much… but, I was very excited.” Hehe. She pointed out that besides me, she’s the only other person who was there that day who’s still around. Or that she knows is still around for sure. My two grandmothers have passed away; my dad died; her ob-gyn died. She doesn’t know anything about the ob-gyn nurses, so there it is.

I have a cold/sore-throat/cough thingy going on. Everyone I know had other things going on tonight. So, I’m home alone surfing the web and watching my Tivo’d shows. I’m officially postponing the celebrating of my birthday until Friday evening when I will meet various peoples at a bar. I hope at least some of them show up. I hate when no one is able to make it. So sad. Oh well, hope I’m not still sick by then.

It’s my birthday! I want compliments. I love compliments. I don’t always believe them, but they make me all warm and fuzzy anyway. Like that song… “it starts in my toes, I crinkle my nose.” Hey, if I can’t be greedy on my birthday, when can I be?

Thank you, I had a wonderful gift last night.
I’m sorry, I was selfish and didn’t give back.

I met up IRL with a man whom I met through Adult FriendFinder.

And he spent the entire time we were together focusing on me.

I told him I felt guilty and selfish about that, and I still do. But, damn, was that nice.
I really do get turned on by pleasing others. I love getting someone excited and seeing and feeling and hearing and tasting that *I* am making them feel good. I could go on and on about that, and maybe I will someday. My point now is that I’m uncomfortable being the one who’s at the center of attention. And I’m definitely not used to it.

Ah, another aside pops into my head: Some might say that there shouldn’t BE one person at the center of attention. That everything should be equal and shared. And that might be true, but personally, I have a very difficult time with *simultaneous* pleasure. I’m easily orgasmic. If I focus. I can’t truly enjoy myself or really feel physical sensations unless that’s all I’m thinking about. I can’t focus on *giving* pleasure if I’m being distracted TOO much by other feelings. So, I close my eyes when I’m having sex, which bothers some. I can’t fully enjoy 69, which disappoints some. What was my point here? Oh yeah. Just wanted to explain why I talk about one person being the center of attention during sex.

Back to what I was saying. And being grateful about.

Somehow, this guy whom I’d never met before, and hadn’t even emailed extensively, made me comfortable enough to just FEEL.
Anyway, it was just really cool.

But, I still feel guilty about it. And selfish.

I told him I’d be writing about my experience with him in my blog, which I think he was okay with. (Right?) And eventually, I probably still will in the sense he probably expected. But, right now I’m just feeling wowed and grateful. Along with the selfish and guilty. I’m kind of still processing what was a very different experience for me.

So, does this posting have a point? Uhm, no, not really.

AdultFriendFinder
selfish
sex
69