Another Sex Blog

But, yeah, now I’m looking for a relationship of some sort. Let’s call it a friends-with-benefits-with-potential.

That’s something I have in my profile. Most of the guys I’ve actually met up with IRL seem to have understood what I meant by that — so that’s good.

What’s not good, is that I’m not sure what to do when it becomes clear that there’s no longer any potential. When it just becomes clear that an LTR just ain’t gonna happen. What then?

It’s not so much of a problem when it’s pretty clear after just one meeting. It’s more difficult to break things off when it goes beyond that.

There’s one guy I’ve met via Adult FriendFinder that really IS a FWB. I know we’re never going to have a romantic relationship or even anything long term. Some day he’s going to find a “real” girlfriend and, since he doesn’t believe in open relationship or being poly, our benefits part will go away. And I’m really ok with that. With him. He’s the exception.

Because I *am* looking for an LTR. But only if it’s right. I’m much happier being “single” than being in a relationship JUST to be in a relationship. (Look up “quirkyalone” for a much better description of that than I can explain.)

So, anyway, when it becomes clear to me that I just can’t see myself in a deeper relationship with someone I’ve met, I don’t see the point in continuing things. lol. I haven’t come across sex that’s *THAT* good yet, anyway. And while it’s NOT true in the real world that any woman can get laid any time she wants (a topic for another post sometime), it IS true here on Adult FriendFinder. So, it’s not like I’d keep seeing someone just because it might be my only chance for sex.

In one case when this happened — no, two cases — neither of us contacted the other again. This was after multiple meetings. It wasn’t even like we had a fight or disagreement. It just stopped.

Right now I have more than one… argh, what do I even call it?… friendships with benefits withOUT potential that I need to cut off. Even though they probably feel the same way, at least that’s been my experience so far, it makes for an uncomfortable feeling.

I feel like I might hurt their feelings. I’m afraid they’ll think that’s awfully egotistical of me to think that it would matter to them.

I’m sure it seems absurd to some here that I’m hoping for a so-called REAL relationship (though not traditional by any means).

I am, though. I can’t spend my friday and saturday nights with people who I *know* I won’t want to be hanging out with a year from now.

Just venting. Thanks for listening. As Always.

OMG OMG OMG.

Look. If you in ANY WAY KIND OF SORT OF relate to the guests on Jerry Springer, please do not contact me (unless I’m working on some sort of thesis for a PhD).

btw, my period of depression is on the upswing… not completely over, but by now I’m aware of the process…. right now I’m feeling hermit-ish, but not at the bottom of the pit. In case you were wondering.

I really like Jerry Springer. The man. Himself. I adore how reasonable he is with the guests on his show and, IMHO, seems not to judge them, for the most part.

But, I do NOT understand the guests. I don’t think I’m judging them when I say that I can’t relate to them, am I? Ok, I admit that I have flashes of thoughts that tell me I’m “better” than they are, but my conscious brain yells at me whenever that happens. I really really really think that there’s just something different in the way “those people” (sorry that that could be an offensive phrase; just not sure what else to say) and I, or people I think of as like me, think and view the world.

Have I mentioned before how much I’m obsessed with the Myers-Briggs personality Type test? MBTI? Well, I am. And I’m sure that has something to do what what I’m talking about here.

I just don’t get it. Them.

OTOH, in a weird way, it makes me not feel so bad about being such a weirdo myself. lol. I *know* others, a lot of others, think I’m a bit odd. That they don’t “get” me. The thing is that I still watch Jerry. I want to TRY to “get” them. I hope that maybe some of “them” want to “get” me, too. And that’s a teensy tiny bit of why I write what I do online. It’s a bigger part that I want people who are already like me to see that there’s others out there like them. (Geesh, that’s a run-on sentence… hopefully makes sense anyway.) But that other part is good, too.

Now I’m on a roll… turning into a longer post than I’d intended.

There are some issues that I don’t really want to try to understand the other side to. To take an extreme example… evangelicals. I can logically admit that they *might* be right. But, I already know that I’m not interested in trying to be convinced. It’s almost like a physical reaction. I think the analogy of allergies is overused, but appropriate here. I have no problem with evangelicals believing what they do, but leave me out of it. (Yeah, yeah, that kind of goes against the actual definition of evangelicalism. So sue me.)

I also feel the same way, for the most part, but not as strongly, about Republicans. I am a Democrat. I could probably be swayed by an Independent party. I. Hate. George. W. Bush. Period.

I watched one episode of the tv show Brothers and Sisters. (I’m not a real big tv watcher.) It was an episode where Calista Flockhart’s character thought she was pregnant. She spent part of the day *trying* to tell her b/f, Rob Lowe’s character, that she was pregnant, but didn’t get the chance cuz he was so busy running for office. When he finally came home for the day, he was all pissed off because the people working for him had figured out that was what she was trying to tell him and why didn’t she tell him first. He was being a complete ass. So, I said, you know what I learned from this episode? Never fuck a Republican!!! (It’s funnier, I think, if you’d seen the episode, but I didn’t want to type out all the idiosyncrasies of the characters and the episode here.)

I just can’t have a relationship with someone who isn’t as excited about Obama as I am. Once upon a time I liked Clinton. That changed. Even when I liked them both, I liked Obama *better*, though. And don’t get me started on McCain. However. I hope no one who reads this blog is taking offense at this. If you support McCain, or even hate Obama, I’m all for you doing what you think is best. Actively campaigning or just voting. Even having an intense discussion with me! I *like* talking to people that have different views than I do (as long as it doesn’t devolve into name calling and such.) But to have a relationship? And to me, even an ongoing fuck and run is still a relationship. Can’t do it. Can’t say that it makes logical sense. But, it’s just the way it is. **sigh** There are more than a few guys I’ve met in my lifetime that had this going against them. For some of them, this was, really, the *only* thing going against them. And I can’t get over it. It’s like instant anti-viagra. (except for me being a chick and all.)

Wow. Who knew Jerry could inspire this much blabbling?

I do respect and admire that guy. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Mostly.

Yup, *that* first time. C’mon, what else would I be talking about on this site, right?

So, someone asked me, over email, recently about how I lost my virginity. After writing it all out, I realized that I hadn’t written about it here and, well, I’m lazy. I don’t want to write something twice. So, with said email recipient’s permission, I’m copying and pasting for your reading pleasure. lol.

I lost my virginity at 17, a week before I turned 18. I wanted to lose it asap at college. There was this one guy, very very hot guy, who we all thought was gay, but he seemed to be a player instead. Anyway, one night, coming back from a club, he asked if I wanted to have no strings attached sex. I think that was the first time I heard that phrase come to think of it.

So, I said yes. No, I wasn’t drunk. We didn’t even go to his room because his roommates were there, so we went to a room of a friend of his that was empty. We started making out and then he got up to go get a condom. I realized that he had no idea I was a virgin and I didn’t know how to tell him. So, I up and disappeared.

A few weeks later, I did lose it (that’s when I was a week younger than 18. There was a guy that two of my friends sort of had crushes on. I called him pink-haired dude. Cuz he had pink hair and I could never remember his name. (Later to be green and then black.) One of my friends didn’t really have a crush on him so much as she really enjoyed being a tease to him. So he’s chatting with me about that. And we talked about sex and I told him about really wanting to lose my virginity, but to someone who was more experienced than me and someone I wouldn’t necessarily be seeing much of again — that last part because I thought my inexperience would be embarrassing.

The night after that conversation, he and I and a bunch of other freshman were lounging around a room all leaning on one another, massaging each other, petting each others heads, etc. Yeah, we were a goofy group.

Anyway, it got to be late and we all separated. He asked if I still wanted to hang out in his room and maybe watch a movie. So, I said sure. We hung out on his roommate’s bed because that’s where the tv was. We watched The Muppet Movie. Started making out. When he started to take my jeans off, he asked “are you sure?” Thinking he was asking about if I was sure about being fully undressed — yes, I was *that* inexperienced — I said “sure.” Then he grabbed a condom and started fucking me. Oh! lol.

I liked that he already knew I was a virgin and what my ideal post-relationship with that person was going to be. It didn’t hurt. Afterwards, when he went to the bathroom to clean up, he grabbed my purse and took it with him. He said later that he didn’t want me up and disappearing while he was in the bathroom. He came back and let me know that, uhm, there was a lot of blood. Oops! Remember, we were in his roommate’s bed!

We dated for about a year. A little more than six months after that first kiss, he told me he’d been a virgin, too. Oh well, the best laid plans…

Oh oh, and the guy who I *almost* lost it to? Came out of the closet not long after that.

I just had an epiphany. Ok, that’s exaggerating, but it was an interesting realization for me.

My ideal for a romantic/sexual relationship is the same as how I feel about food. I don’t think I put that quite right…

See, I really like trying new foods. There’s not all that many foods I actively dislike. Though, some, once I’ve tried I probably wouldn’t seek out again. And I like trying foods that are unusual or that most people don’t like. But, I like having my standby favorites to go back to. And it’s not like those foods are just comfort foods. I really really like them. Love ‘em. They make me happy and give me enjoyment. But, I wouldn’t want to never try anything new ever again even if I could have ALL my favorites as much as I wanted any time I wanted.

It’s the same, kind of, you know, in a metaphorical way, for relationships.

I just haven’t found my favorite yet.

I swear, this post started out as very thoughtful, witty, insightful prose on my state of mind as regards to men and my experiences with them regarding relationships that has influenced my feelings, thoughts, and opinions on that topic.

After a long drive home in crappy weather, though, it has de-evolved to this:

Boys suck.

Oh, and to top that thought off, I got a fabulous email earlier from someone on AFF telling me “glad i didnt meet. ur fat n ugly.” As I am obviously neither, nor did I *ever* correspond with this person, I informed him that somehow I had received an email from him intended for someone else. This someone wrote back to tell me “ok ur not fat but u r ugly!”

WHY does this upset me???? After 2 years on here, I should just be used to emails like that and ignore them. But, no, I have to let them get to me. Fuck.

And that has nothing even to do with why “BOYS SUCK.” Well, not directly, anyway.

I hate boys.

right now anyway.

Last night, by the time I’d already figured I was in for the night, I got a phone call from an ex-boyfriend.  I missed the call, but he left a voicemail message saying that he was on his way to Chicago, staying overnight at a friend’s, and then taking an early flight somewhere the next morning.  Did I want to get together for a drink?  He’d be in around 11:30.

11:30 is WAAAAY past a time when I would even consider going out.  Normally.  But, I’d been having bouts of insomnia lately and had taken a long nap that afternoon.  I hadn’t seen him for a very long time (though we email each other occasionally).  So, I figured what the heck.

By the time we ended up getting together it was past midnight, but the friend’s apartment was near a bunch of bars and restaurants, so we walked to find a place to hang.  The friend was actually out of town and was letting him use the apartment for the night.  Anyway…

Even though a lot of the bars were still open, there didn’t seem to be any places still serving food and the bars were *packed*.  And *loud*.  Blah blah blah, eventually we did find a bar, even seats, and had a few drinks.

A little background:  I dated this guy for a little over a year, which might not seem that long, but we saw each other almost every day during that time.  I was completely head over heels for him.  I honestly believe he felt the same way about me, too, only for a much shorter period of time than I did.  By the time he broke up with me, I *should* have known that we weren’t good for one another.  That we should have broken up much earlier.  I guess I did know, really, I just didn’t want to know it.  He wasn’t the best boyfriend.  Last night I spent a lot of time telling him all the ways he was really not very nice to me a lot of the time.  And even then I left out a LOT of the really hurtful things he said or did because even though I was telling him all this, it was a teasing playful type of conversation.  Nevertheless, when he broke up with me I was still crazy about him, so he broke my heart.  I am not at all sure how much this has to do with all of that, but it is important additional information… he was INCREDIBLE in bed.

Ok, so that’s a bit subjective.  We did end up fooling around and having sex after going back to his friend’s apartment.  I had NOT planned on that.  I really thought he had no interest in me, physically, at all anymore.  A hint of suspicion rose up in my head when he invited me up to the apartment, but then I realized that he wanted a ride to the airport in a couple of hours.

I know that we had some really good happy times when we were dating, but I have a tendency to always remember one of the bad times, too, whenever I think back on our relationship.  It sours the memories somewhat.  On the other hand, I clearly remembered having really really good sex.  I figured that that wasn’t completely accurate either, just like I know we DID have happy times as well as not-so-happy ones even though that’s not how my memories play in my head.  I figured I’d exaggerated his, well, talent (and that’s not a euphemism) for making me feel amazing.  No such luck.  I remembered correctly.

Anyway… as I was starting to say about it being subjective.  Right.  Of course not every woman will enjoy exactly the same touches, moves, kisses, etc.  But, I don’t think that’s what makes him so good.  I think he’s just really good at being able to read a woman’s body language and reactions to things.  And he remembers what worked and what didn’t for the next time.

He is a really fucking incredible kisser.

I’ve been lucky in my dating forays to have had a lot of really better than average sex.  (Is that an oxymoron?  How can it always be better than average?  Do you suppose I can’t find someone who wants to DATE me because my mind goes off on tangents like this?)  I haven’t found a really great kisser, though.  I’ve had some awful kissers.  Some good ones.  But not great.  THAT I’m pretty sure IS entirely subjective, though.  Oh my, I miss his kisses.

He does have a steady/serious girlfriend right now.  They have an open arrangement, though, so it’s not like he was “cheating” on her last night.  My mom was worried when she heard I was going to meet up with him that I was setting myself up to be hurt again.  It’s not like that anymore.  I’m not in love with him.  I love him.  Meaning — this is my favorite definition of love — I’d be REALLY upset if I heard that he fell out of a third floor window.  I like him, most of the time.  But, the yearning to be in a romantic relationship with him is completely gone.  I’m extremely lucky that he’s in the sort of relationship where he is able to have sex with me without causing anyone pain.

Hmmm… I’m pretty sure I was going somewhere with all of this and now I have no clue where that was.  So, maybe I’ll remember and write more later.

I stole this from the blog Under His Hand.

I’ve been on both sides… neither is very much fun.

Yeah, this post doesn’t really have much of a point or even entertainment value, but I’m trying to make myself post more often.  Whatever.  Just felt like sharing the pic and the thought.

I can’t think of anything I hate more than being stood up.  I’m sure there are things I hate more, but right at this moment, that’s at the top of my list.

Because of my previously explained not-feeling-wellness, I’m *really* not up to more than one major outing or project a day.  So, my ex-boyfriend had scheduled to have dinner with me tonight.  Mostly, he’s the one who wanted to “stay friends.”

Oh, dammit, I’m too mad to explain everything.  He canceled with a  text message less than 1/2 hour before we were supposed to have dinner.  I turned down other plans for the day.

I AM SO PISSED OFF!!!!!

I love spending time thinking up revenge ideas.  Like contacting his girlfriend who doesn’t know and wouldn’t like that he keeps in touch with me.  Or, hey, this is a sex blog, right?  I’ve had sex with him lots.  So far, I’ve pretty much only told NICE stories.  I could add a few tales of really bad and boring sex just to even things out, right?  He’s provided lots of material for those sorts of stories.

Did I mention I hate being stood up?

Dan Savage is… amazing. A genius. My hero. I LOVE that guy. I read his column every week and last week was the first time I was, well, disappointed in his advice.

A guy wrote in asking what to do about differing libido levels in a couple. His wife had bought and read the book I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido by Joan Sewell who declares that ALL women have a lower libido than men do. They just naturally don’t want sex as often as guys, it’s just how it is, and nothing’s going to change that.

Mr. Savage did not say that this was a load of bullshit. THAT’S what I found so disappointing. I mean, come ON, I *know* he gets lots of letters with the same complaint, but with the genders switched. So, I got pissed off. And then promptly forgot about it.

Until I got my weekly email letting me know that Dan Savage’s new column has been posted. (I read it via The Village Voice online, btw.)

YAY for Dan Savage’s March 20th, 2007 column!!!! (And indirectly, the one on March 13th, too.)

He admits that he “accepted the premise” and “ran with it” because he knew that Ms. Sewell and other idiots like her (my choice of words, not his) would just ignore him if he said, hell YEAH there are women with raging libidos who want sex all the time. He also knew that his loyal readers would write in to him in response taking him to task.

Oh, how lazy I feel for not having done the same!

The letters from readers this week rock.

And I love the complaints these women bring up, besides with Dan for not remembering them, too. Sure, guys SAY that they want a woman who wants sex all the time, but I’ve rarely found a guy that means that. A quote from one of the letters:

On an average day, I would prefer to have sex twice. This is too much sex for the average man. Men think they want sex every day, but when given the opportunity, they start complaining about how tired they are after a week or two.

Yup.

Btw, his original advice for the guy whose wife didn’t want sex nearly as often as he did was advice he’s given many times:

One thing that hasn’t changed in the wake of Sewell’s book is my advice to women with low libidos: You can have strict monogamy or you can have a low libido, ladies, but you can’t have both. If monogamy is a priority, you’re gonna have to put out, i.e., regular vaginal intercourse and the occasional tide-him-over handjob and/or blowjob, cheerfully given. If all you wanna do is sit there and eat chocolate, you’re gonna have to turn a blind eye to lap dances and mistresses and happy endings and the return of trade, i.e., gay guys giving NSA head to straight guys.

I (and the other hot and horny women who DID write to him last week — damn, I’m lazy) agree. But, it goes the other way, too. Argh, I could go on and on and on agreeing with what these women wrote, quoting bits and pieces.

I really did know I wasn’t the only women to have a higher sex drive than is “normal.” For women OR for men. But, it’s still nice to hear from others like me. You know?

READ IT!

I just read this in someone’s profile: “a great relationship starts in the bedroom… then goes from there.”

That’s something I agree with and have meant to write about it. Compared to most people, I’m fairly kinky. I forget that since I’m so used to hanging out places like here (well, virtually hang out anyway), other similar online communities, and sometimes IRL with similarly minded people.

So… yes, I would like to have a romantic relationship. But, I don’t want just ANY one.

I’m a Quirkyalone.

Quirkyalone: noun/adj. A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status.

So, I only want a relationship that is sexually non-monogomous. Enables/shares/celebrates (not sure of the right word) my kinks. Of course, there are other things I want, too, in a relationship, but those are very important to me.

So, sex first, then we can find out if we’re compatible other ways afterwards. I hear a lot the warning that women shouldn’t sleep with a guy right away. That guys don’t want to date a woman who slept with them so quickly. LOL! Great. I don’t WANT to date a guy who thinks like that, so my method weeds them out right away!

Actually, I went on a date with a guy recently. And I’m totally undecided if I want to go out with him again or not. I need to have sex with him before I can figure that out!

I have love and friendship. Absolutely wonderful friends and family. I have sex, even kinky sex. And if nothing else, this place has taught me that that will always be available! Although it would be Fabulous if I could have both in the same person. I’m not willing to give up the quality of either for that.

So, sweet talk me AND fuck me. Not necessarily in that order.