Another Sex Blog

Not that I really really truly think anyone’s noticed, but I think this past week (or more?) has been the longest that I haven’t logged into Adult FriendFinder since I first became a paying member!  More than 2 weeks.

In the last month or so:
I’ve gotten a new perk at work that has pissed off a lot of my co-workers and therefore both pleased me and stressed me out.
I’ve fallen down a flight of stairs, scraped a significant amount of skin off of my shins, and chipped my shin bone.
For some reason my hypothyroidism is acting up and I need an increase in my meds, but can’t get a dr. appt till next month. Argh. (Kills the sex drive, too!)  Also makes me spacey (often referred to as “brain fog”) and completely wiped out.

Oh hell, there’s even more, but those are the highlights. The thyroid thing is just making everything else, good or bad, magnified. Luckily, I know (or think I know) that it’s probably fixable.

One month.

I can’t wait to be back to my old self again!

I’m right in the middle of a major bout of depression. I do take anti-depressants (actually, go see some of my very first posts explaining how the one I’m on led to me being here…), but antidepressants do NOT, like people think, just make you happy all the time. They do make it so that I’m not depressed ALL the time, and when a bout comes on, I’m able to be aware of the fact that it’s temporary.

I know there are probably people who think, oh, so she gets depressed, must have low self-esteem, that must be why she “acts out” sexually. No. The opposite, is closer to the truth. It’s when I’m happy and feeling good about myself that I’m most active on AFF. I’m really writing and explaining this on this blog just to kind of announce that I’m gonna be pretty INactive on here for a while… til it passes.

Is it possible to have a bad mood virus??? If so, I swear I caught it last week and it’s just now fading away.

I was super emotional for a lot of last week. I started tearing up reading one of the PostSecret books. (If you haven’t visited that site or read any of the books… please do. They’re great. They probably won’t make you cry. lol.) I started crying over some commercial. I can’t even remember which one it was, but it was NOT supposed to be a tearjerker even. I can’t even blame it all on PMS. It was just weird.

My last post on Saturday was a result of being in a bad mood to begin with and then being blown off by someone I thought I had plans with. And encountering some rude people while I was out. And also dropping my purse in a huge puddle so that everything got soaked. My wallet is a mesh envelope, so all my money was soggy. And my notebook that I carry with me that I use for everything from quick notes to journal entries. All of that together made me a pretty miserable person.

That in turn made me come across, I’m pretty sure, to the blower-offer as a completely insane psycho stalker. It’s too hard to explain without giving details that would make either one of us identifiable; sorry to be so cryptic. *sigh*

I’m still feeling down on myself. On the other hand, some of the stuff that was in my purse is still damp. Maybe there’s a connection.

I have, sometimes, very strong emotions. Luckily they also seem to pass rather quickly. I’m able to say to myself, “Ok, I feel like shit and like my life is shit, but just calm down, in a day or two I’ll feel differently.” You’d think that knowing that things will seem different in a few days would speed up the process, but it doesn’t. It seems to take some time for the messages from my head to travel to my heart. (That sounds so sappy and by “heart”, I don’t mean to imply this has to do with my love life… just emotional life.)

Oh, and I’m definitely addicted to AFF. There’s no question. I had my profile turned off for only approximately 24 hours before I just had to turn it back on. Is there a support group out there somewhere?

I can’t think of anything I hate more than being stood up.  I’m sure there are things I hate more, but right at this moment, that’s at the top of my list.

Because of my previously explained not-feeling-wellness, I’m *really* not up to more than one major outing or project a day.  So, my ex-boyfriend had scheduled to have dinner with me tonight.  Mostly, he’s the one who wanted to “stay friends.”

Oh, dammit, I’m too mad to explain everything.  He canceled with a  text message less than 1/2 hour before we were supposed to have dinner.  I turned down other plans for the day.

I AM SO PISSED OFF!!!!!

I love spending time thinking up revenge ideas.  Like contacting his girlfriend who doesn’t know and wouldn’t like that he keeps in touch with me.  Or, hey, this is a sex blog, right?  I’ve had sex with him lots.  So far, I’ve pretty much only told NICE stories.  I could add a few tales of really bad and boring sex just to even things out, right?  He’s provided lots of material for those sorts of stories.

Did I mention I hate being stood up?

I’ve actually had LOTS of exciting encounters that, if you’re into that sort of thing, would be fun to read about.

SO where have I been? Right?

I’m not the most healthy and hardy of sluts. I have multiple autoimmune disorders. Normally, they don’t affect my life all that much. Or, I guess, I’m so used to having them, that OTHER than the treatments/medications for them, they don’t affect my life all that much.

But sometimes, those treatments and medications need adjustment. And it looks like that’s what’s been going on, in part, with me the last few months.

To put it succinctly, which, I know, I never do, I’ve been *EXHAUSTED*. Completely and totally wiped out. All the time.

It seems like after all these years of living with these health conditions, I’d realize a lot sooner that something wasn’t quite right… but, no. One of the symptoms is making my thinking a bit fuzzy, too. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Anyway, I’m waiting for a blood test to confirm what I already know which is that one of my meds needs adjusting. Then it takes a little while for that to start working and then *hopefully* I’ll be back to my not-necessarily-energetic-but-at-least-exuberant self.