Another Sex Blog

I realized I was trying to stay absolutely still. Barely breathing. Not twitching. Just. Still.

I was holding back from cumming. Staying right on the edge of it.

If I reacted TOO much then he might stop. It’s not that I had any reason, really, to think that, but I did.

I think that, in my experience, when I start really reacting to something, the guy assumes I’m ready for something else. Usually fucking. And stops doing whatever was driving me wild.

I can’t describe exactly what he was doing because when I’m that much in pleasurality (yes, I did just make up that word) I can’t focus on such details. My nipples were in his mouth. I think his fingers may have been playing with my clit. Yes, I know they were because at one point I did make a comment that it was like there was an electrical connection between my nipple and my clit. His response to that was “No.” I have no idea what that meant, but it wasn’t about to ask at the time.

I swear, I’m getting turned on again thinking about how good it felt.

I was just SO afraid it would STOP.

I really do have a very difficult time *accepting* pleasure. I adore giving it. I can, as I’ve mentioned before in this blog, CUM while sucking cock.

I once dated a guy who would get super turned on and almost cum by eating me out. That was the only way I could relax and enjoy it.

I need to find someone who will get that way while playing with or sucking on my nipples. THAT would truly be Nirvana.

But, this recent experience was pretty close.

Quick post (or I think it will be).

Years ago, I had a crush, not even a full crush, just a physical attraction really, to a guy I went to school with. I was pretty sure he didn’t notice me at all, so I didn’t really have any hopes. I just liked looking.

I saw the movie Traffic and noticed that one of the characters, to me, looked a lot like my crush. The character Carlos, the drug dealer who gets arrested. Looking back it’s really only a faint resemblance, though I’ve seen the movie since then and it still reminds me of him anyway. (The crush later did become my boyfriend… one of the few guys I can really say I was in love with, but that’s another story.)

So, tonight I’m watching Scarface. Yes, for the first time. And wow, there’s this really hot guy in it. No, not Pacino. The other guy. So, I looked him up on IMDB thinking maybe he’s been in other stuff I can watch and drool over him in. OMG, he played Carlo in Traffic.

This is the kind of thing that just tickles me. Probably seems like nothing to others, and I guess it is nothing. But I love weird stuff like that.

And South American guys, I guess!

Back to drooling…

Yup, *that* first time. C’mon, what else would I be talking about on this site, right?

So, someone asked me, over email, recently about how I lost my virginity. After writing it all out, I realized that I hadn’t written about it here and, well, I’m lazy. I don’t want to write something twice. So, with said email recipient’s permission, I’m copying and pasting for your reading pleasure. lol.

I lost my virginity at 17, a week before I turned 18. I wanted to lose it asap at college. There was this one guy, very very hot guy, who we all thought was gay, but he seemed to be a player instead. Anyway, one night, coming back from a club, he asked if I wanted to have no strings attached sex. I think that was the first time I heard that phrase come to think of it.

So, I said yes. No, I wasn’t drunk. We didn’t even go to his room because his roommates were there, so we went to a room of a friend of his that was empty. We started making out and then he got up to go get a condom. I realized that he had no idea I was a virgin and I didn’t know how to tell him. So, I up and disappeared.

A few weeks later, I did lose it (that’s when I was a week younger than 18. There was a guy that two of my friends sort of had crushes on. I called him pink-haired dude. Cuz he had pink hair and I could never remember his name. (Later to be green and then black.) One of my friends didn’t really have a crush on him so much as she really enjoyed being a tease to him. So he’s chatting with me about that. And we talked about sex and I told him about really wanting to lose my virginity, but to someone who was more experienced than me and someone I wouldn’t necessarily be seeing much of again — that last part because I thought my inexperience would be embarrassing.

The night after that conversation, he and I and a bunch of other freshman were lounging around a room all leaning on one another, massaging each other, petting each others heads, etc. Yeah, we were a goofy group.

Anyway, it got to be late and we all separated. He asked if I still wanted to hang out in his room and maybe watch a movie. So, I said sure. We hung out on his roommate’s bed because that’s where the tv was. We watched The Muppet Movie. Started making out. When he started to take my jeans off, he asked “are you sure?” Thinking he was asking about if I was sure about being fully undressed — yes, I was *that* inexperienced — I said “sure.” Then he grabbed a condom and started fucking me. Oh! lol.

I liked that he already knew I was a virgin and what my ideal post-relationship with that person was going to be. It didn’t hurt. Afterwards, when he went to the bathroom to clean up, he grabbed my purse and took it with him. He said later that he didn’t want me up and disappearing while he was in the bathroom. He came back and let me know that, uhm, there was a lot of blood. Oops! Remember, we were in his roommate’s bed!

We dated for about a year. A little more than six months after that first kiss, he told me he’d been a virgin, too. Oh well, the best laid plans…

Oh oh, and the guy who I *almost* lost it to? Came out of the closet not long after that.

‘m much more prone to typing and posting when I’m tipsy. FYI, pomegranate juice and Malibu rum make a fantastic drink.

Why didn’t anyone tell me that the race car driver guy on Dancing with the Stars is BRAZILIAN??? Dammit. Like I don’t find the guys on this show hot enough already.

*Speaking* of my ex (who is Brazilian), he’s trying to fix me up with a friend of his who used to have an Adult FriendFinder profile. Now, I’ve seen this guy’s pictures and he’s fairly hot and so far I like what I know about him, but… c’mon… isn’t it a little weird to have your ex fix you up? Ok, I’m over it.

I had a date — no euphemism there — with a guy I’ve run into both here and on PG sites. Since it was a PG date, I don’t think there’s much anyone would be interested in hearing about. Just an update, that’s all. I like him, felt comfortable talking with him… but I have a mental issue with his age. He’s only 41. (He reads this blog, too, but, I already told him that.) The thing is, my dad died when he was 42. Now that was a long time ago, but in my head he’s *still* 42. So around that age, to me, is the age of my father. I know, that doesn’t really make sense, but there it is. I do think that being conscious of it helps.

Then there’s this other guy I met through Adult FriendFinder whom I’m a tiny bit gaga over. The few times someone’s been gaga over ME, that’s made me a little uncomfortable, so I worry that’s the case here, too, for him. I’ve met up with him 3 times over the last 2 years. He’s really amazing sex-wise. The last time we got together was just amazing. (Yes, I realize I just used that word twice.) It wasn’t until weeks later, though, that I really realized that he followed almost every single thing in my Cheatsheet … post. Sometimes I can tell guys are doing something because they know I like it. It’s great, don’t get me wrong, but I can tell they’re acting in a way. Not with this guy… like I said, it took me weeks to get that a-ha! moment. And that makes it even more great. For some reason, he’s not interested in more than occasionally hooking up when he’s horny, though. What the hell? If it’s so good, physically, I shouldn’t complain!!!

Ok, I’m done. For now.

Last night, by the time I’d already figured I was in for the night, I got a phone call from an ex-boyfriend.  I missed the call, but he left a voicemail message saying that he was on his way to Chicago, staying overnight at a friend’s, and then taking an early flight somewhere the next morning.  Did I want to get together for a drink?  He’d be in around 11:30.

11:30 is WAAAAY past a time when I would even consider going out.  Normally.  But, I’d been having bouts of insomnia lately and had taken a long nap that afternoon.  I hadn’t seen him for a very long time (though we email each other occasionally).  So, I figured what the heck.

By the time we ended up getting together it was past midnight, but the friend’s apartment was near a bunch of bars and restaurants, so we walked to find a place to hang.  The friend was actually out of town and was letting him use the apartment for the night.  Anyway…

Even though a lot of the bars were still open, there didn’t seem to be any places still serving food and the bars were *packed*.  And *loud*.  Blah blah blah, eventually we did find a bar, even seats, and had a few drinks.

A little background:  I dated this guy for a little over a year, which might not seem that long, but we saw each other almost every day during that time.  I was completely head over heels for him.  I honestly believe he felt the same way about me, too, only for a much shorter period of time than I did.  By the time he broke up with me, I *should* have known that we weren’t good for one another.  That we should have broken up much earlier.  I guess I did know, really, I just didn’t want to know it.  He wasn’t the best boyfriend.  Last night I spent a lot of time telling him all the ways he was really not very nice to me a lot of the time.  And even then I left out a LOT of the really hurtful things he said or did because even though I was telling him all this, it was a teasing playful type of conversation.  Nevertheless, when he broke up with me I was still crazy about him, so he broke my heart.  I am not at all sure how much this has to do with all of that, but it is important additional information… he was INCREDIBLE in bed.

Ok, so that’s a bit subjective.  We did end up fooling around and having sex after going back to his friend’s apartment.  I had NOT planned on that.  I really thought he had no interest in me, physically, at all anymore.  A hint of suspicion rose up in my head when he invited me up to the apartment, but then I realized that he wanted a ride to the airport in a couple of hours.

I know that we had some really good happy times when we were dating, but I have a tendency to always remember one of the bad times, too, whenever I think back on our relationship.  It sours the memories somewhat.  On the other hand, I clearly remembered having really really good sex.  I figured that that wasn’t completely accurate either, just like I know we DID have happy times as well as not-so-happy ones even though that’s not how my memories play in my head.  I figured I’d exaggerated his, well, talent (and that’s not a euphemism) for making me feel amazing.  No such luck.  I remembered correctly.

Anyway… as I was starting to say about it being subjective.  Right.  Of course not every woman will enjoy exactly the same touches, moves, kisses, etc.  But, I don’t think that’s what makes him so good.  I think he’s just really good at being able to read a woman’s body language and reactions to things.  And he remembers what worked and what didn’t for the next time.

He is a really fucking incredible kisser.

I’ve been lucky in my dating forays to have had a lot of really better than average sex.  (Is that an oxymoron?  How can it always be better than average?  Do you suppose I can’t find someone who wants to DATE me because my mind goes off on tangents like this?)  I haven’t found a really great kisser, though.  I’ve had some awful kissers.  Some good ones.  But not great.  THAT I’m pretty sure IS entirely subjective, though.  Oh my, I miss his kisses.

He does have a steady/serious girlfriend right now.  They have an open arrangement, though, so it’s not like he was “cheating” on her last night.  My mom was worried when she heard I was going to meet up with him that I was setting myself up to be hurt again.  It’s not like that anymore.  I’m not in love with him.  I love him.  Meaning — this is my favorite definition of love — I’d be REALLY upset if I heard that he fell out of a third floor window.  I like him, most of the time.  But, the yearning to be in a romantic relationship with him is completely gone.  I’m extremely lucky that he’s in the sort of relationship where he is able to have sex with me without causing anyone pain.

Hmmm… I’m pretty sure I was going somewhere with all of this and now I have no clue where that was.  So, maybe I’ll remember and write more later.

I can’t think of anything I hate more than being stood up.  I’m sure there are things I hate more, but right at this moment, that’s at the top of my list.

Because of my previously explained not-feeling-wellness, I’m *really* not up to more than one major outing or project a day.  So, my ex-boyfriend had scheduled to have dinner with me tonight.  Mostly, he’s the one who wanted to “stay friends.”

Oh, dammit, I’m too mad to explain everything.  He canceled with a  text message less than 1/2 hour before we were supposed to have dinner.  I turned down other plans for the day.

I AM SO PISSED OFF!!!!!

I love spending time thinking up revenge ideas.  Like contacting his girlfriend who doesn’t know and wouldn’t like that he keeps in touch with me.  Or, hey, this is a sex blog, right?  I’ve had sex with him lots.  So far, I’ve pretty much only told NICE stories.  I could add a few tales of really bad and boring sex just to even things out, right?  He’s provided lots of material for those sorts of stories.

Did I mention I hate being stood up?