Another Sex Blog

But, yeah, now I’m looking for a relationship of some sort. Let’s call it a friends-with-benefits-with-potential.

That’s something I have in my profile. Most of the guys I’ve actually met up with IRL seem to have understood what I meant by that — so that’s good.

What’s not good, is that I’m not sure what to do when it becomes clear that there’s no longer any potential. When it just becomes clear that an LTR just ain’t gonna happen. What then?

It’s not so much of a problem when it’s pretty clear after just one meeting. It’s more difficult to break things off when it goes beyond that.

There’s one guy I’ve met via Adult FriendFinder that really IS a FWB. I know we’re never going to have a romantic relationship or even anything long term. Some day he’s going to find a “real” girlfriend and, since he doesn’t believe in open relationship or being poly, our benefits part will go away. And I’m really ok with that. With him. He’s the exception.

Because I *am* looking for an LTR. But only if it’s right. I’m much happier being “single” than being in a relationship JUST to be in a relationship. (Look up “quirkyalone” for a much better description of that than I can explain.)

So, anyway, when it becomes clear to me that I just can’t see myself in a deeper relationship with someone I’ve met, I don’t see the point in continuing things. lol. I haven’t come across sex that’s *THAT* good yet, anyway. And while it’s NOT true in the real world that any woman can get laid any time she wants (a topic for another post sometime), it IS true here on Adult FriendFinder. So, it’s not like I’d keep seeing someone just because it might be my only chance for sex.

In one case when this happened — no, two cases — neither of us contacted the other again. This was after multiple meetings. It wasn’t even like we had a fight or disagreement. It just stopped.

Right now I have more than one… argh, what do I even call it?… friendships with benefits withOUT potential that I need to cut off. Even though they probably feel the same way, at least that’s been my experience so far, it makes for an uncomfortable feeling.

I feel like I might hurt their feelings. I’m afraid they’ll think that’s awfully egotistical of me to think that it would matter to them.

I’m sure it seems absurd to some here that I’m hoping for a so-called REAL relationship (though not traditional by any means).

I am, though. I can’t spend my friday and saturday nights with people who I *know* I won’t want to be hanging out with a year from now.

Just venting. Thanks for listening. As Always.

OMG OMG OMG.

Look. If you in ANY WAY KIND OF SORT OF relate to the guests on Jerry Springer, please do not contact me (unless I’m working on some sort of thesis for a PhD).

btw, my period of depression is on the upswing… not completely over, but by now I’m aware of the process…. right now I’m feeling hermit-ish, but not at the bottom of the pit. In case you were wondering.

I really like Jerry Springer. The man. Himself. I adore how reasonable he is with the guests on his show and, IMHO, seems not to judge them, for the most part.

But, I do NOT understand the guests. I don’t think I’m judging them when I say that I can’t relate to them, am I? Ok, I admit that I have flashes of thoughts that tell me I’m “better” than they are, but my conscious brain yells at me whenever that happens. I really really really think that there’s just something different in the way “those people” (sorry that that could be an offensive phrase; just not sure what else to say) and I, or people I think of as like me, think and view the world.

Have I mentioned before how much I’m obsessed with the Myers-Briggs personality Type test? MBTI? Well, I am. And I’m sure that has something to do what what I’m talking about here.

I just don’t get it. Them.

OTOH, in a weird way, it makes me not feel so bad about being such a weirdo myself. lol. I *know* others, a lot of others, think I’m a bit odd. That they don’t “get” me. The thing is that I still watch Jerry. I want to TRY to “get” them. I hope that maybe some of “them” want to “get” me, too. And that’s a teensy tiny bit of why I write what I do online. It’s a bigger part that I want people who are already like me to see that there’s others out there like them. (Geesh, that’s a run-on sentence… hopefully makes sense anyway.) But that other part is good, too.

Now I’m on a roll… turning into a longer post than I’d intended.

There are some issues that I don’t really want to try to understand the other side to. To take an extreme example… evangelicals. I can logically admit that they *might* be right. But, I already know that I’m not interested in trying to be convinced. It’s almost like a physical reaction. I think the analogy of allergies is overused, but appropriate here. I have no problem with evangelicals believing what they do, but leave me out of it. (Yeah, yeah, that kind of goes against the actual definition of evangelicalism. So sue me.)

I also feel the same way, for the most part, but not as strongly, about Republicans. I am a Democrat. I could probably be swayed by an Independent party. I. Hate. George. W. Bush. Period.

I watched one episode of the tv show Brothers and Sisters. (I’m not a real big tv watcher.) It was an episode where Calista Flockhart’s character thought she was pregnant. She spent part of the day *trying* to tell her b/f, Rob Lowe’s character, that she was pregnant, but didn’t get the chance cuz he was so busy running for office. When he finally came home for the day, he was all pissed off because the people working for him had figured out that was what she was trying to tell him and why didn’t she tell him first. He was being a complete ass. So, I said, you know what I learned from this episode? Never fuck a Republican!!! (It’s funnier, I think, if you’d seen the episode, but I didn’t want to type out all the idiosyncrasies of the characters and the episode here.)

I just can’t have a relationship with someone who isn’t as excited about Obama as I am. Once upon a time I liked Clinton. That changed. Even when I liked them both, I liked Obama *better*, though. And don’t get me started on McCain. However. I hope no one who reads this blog is taking offense at this. If you support McCain, or even hate Obama, I’m all for you doing what you think is best. Actively campaigning or just voting. Even having an intense discussion with me! I *like* talking to people that have different views than I do (as long as it doesn’t devolve into name calling and such.) But to have a relationship? And to me, even an ongoing fuck and run is still a relationship. Can’t do it. Can’t say that it makes logical sense. But, it’s just the way it is. **sigh** There are more than a few guys I’ve met in my lifetime that had this going against them. For some of them, this was, really, the *only* thing going against them. And I can’t get over it. It’s like instant anti-viagra. (except for me being a chick and all.)

Wow. Who knew Jerry could inspire this much blabbling?

I do respect and admire that guy. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Mostly.

4 1/2 times. That’s how often I’ve had guys cancel their plans with me this past week.

The 1/2 is because one was actually a guy who was supposed to get back to me about making plans for this week and didn’t.

On the other hand, I had one last-minute surprise rendez-vous that was *very* satisfying.

Eh, it’s amazing how timing is so influential in this kind of thing. Even in who I decide to email back from emails I get on AFF. A *huge* factor is my mood when I’m reading the emails, if I’ve gotten a lot of similar emails in a row, or if I haven’t. It feels very random sometimes. So, maybe it’s not really fair for the fourth guy who cancelled, but the fact that 3 (and a half) had done the same in the previous seven days makes my reaction different than it would be at a different time.

I’ve been lackadaisical recently because I’ve got a full plate. But, I’m thinking I need to knock these guys off rotation. Don’t you think so? Time to make room for some newbies.

Crushes are only fun for, oh, a day. Or two. Then owwwww, painful.

Here’s my reality. I’ve got about four guys “in” my life. This whole internet dating thing is… well, it’s a lot more complicated than the normal dating that one learns about on tv/ in movies / in books!

Except for one of the four guys, I’m not sure that any of *them* would consider *themselves* to be “in” my life. There’s a possibility that each one of them reads this blog, too, but I’m not positive about that either.

So, that makes my blogging about my crush touchy. If all 4 of the guys read this and see that I have a crush on one of them, some of them might be glad to think it’s them, some not. ARrrrrrgh.

Anyway, that’s just an intro/background info.

I just need to get it out that I’m crushing. It’s really a reminder about how it’s really the in person, face to face meeting that determines whether two people are going to connect or not. I could get along perfectly with someone and yet… if there’s not that chemistry, there’s really no point, is there?

I feel like people, a lot of people, think that chemistry thing is just a myth. But, when you meet someone and WOW can’t stop thinking about them and get all fluttery. It’s like the slight lift in mood coffee can give you. But then, too much, and you get all jittery.

If I knew he felt the same way than the giddiness would last a lot longer. I’ve experienced that before, too. But, of course, in this state it’s impossible to not read too much into everything even if your logical brain says not to. So, I’m going nuts because I’m reading into the so-called signs that he’s just-not-into-me. Or maybe I’m wrong. I keep going back and forth. Highs and lows.

Then there’s the other guys. Every one of them knows that I see other guys. That I’m still on this site and others.

Once more, I’ve lost what my point was really going to be for this blog. Maybe I shouldn’t watch tv while blogging. lol.

I need a daisy. *pluck a petal* He likes me. *pluck a petal* he likes me not.

Arrrrrrrrrghhhhhh.

Hate this feeling.

Yup, *that* first time. C’mon, what else would I be talking about on this site, right?

So, someone asked me, over email, recently about how I lost my virginity. After writing it all out, I realized that I hadn’t written about it here and, well, I’m lazy. I don’t want to write something twice. So, with said email recipient’s permission, I’m copying and pasting for your reading pleasure. lol.

I lost my virginity at 17, a week before I turned 18. I wanted to lose it asap at college. There was this one guy, very very hot guy, who we all thought was gay, but he seemed to be a player instead. Anyway, one night, coming back from a club, he asked if I wanted to have no strings attached sex. I think that was the first time I heard that phrase come to think of it.

So, I said yes. No, I wasn’t drunk. We didn’t even go to his room because his roommates were there, so we went to a room of a friend of his that was empty. We started making out and then he got up to go get a condom. I realized that he had no idea I was a virgin and I didn’t know how to tell him. So, I up and disappeared.

A few weeks later, I did lose it (that’s when I was a week younger than 18. There was a guy that two of my friends sort of had crushes on. I called him pink-haired dude. Cuz he had pink hair and I could never remember his name. (Later to be green and then black.) One of my friends didn’t really have a crush on him so much as she really enjoyed being a tease to him. So he’s chatting with me about that. And we talked about sex and I told him about really wanting to lose my virginity, but to someone who was more experienced than me and someone I wouldn’t necessarily be seeing much of again — that last part because I thought my inexperience would be embarrassing.

The night after that conversation, he and I and a bunch of other freshman were lounging around a room all leaning on one another, massaging each other, petting each others heads, etc. Yeah, we were a goofy group.

Anyway, it got to be late and we all separated. He asked if I still wanted to hang out in his room and maybe watch a movie. So, I said sure. We hung out on his roommate’s bed because that’s where the tv was. We watched The Muppet Movie. Started making out. When he started to take my jeans off, he asked “are you sure?” Thinking he was asking about if I was sure about being fully undressed — yes, I was *that* inexperienced — I said “sure.” Then he grabbed a condom and started fucking me. Oh! lol.

I liked that he already knew I was a virgin and what my ideal post-relationship with that person was going to be. It didn’t hurt. Afterwards, when he went to the bathroom to clean up, he grabbed my purse and took it with him. He said later that he didn’t want me up and disappearing while he was in the bathroom. He came back and let me know that, uhm, there was a lot of blood. Oops! Remember, we were in his roommate’s bed!

We dated for about a year. A little more than six months after that first kiss, he told me he’d been a virgin, too. Oh well, the best laid plans…

Oh oh, and the guy who I *almost* lost it to? Came out of the closet not long after that.

I need to write more often, don’t I?  Thinking about whether or not people who read this will find what I write about stops me sometimes.  Which is dumb since *mostly* I’m writing to myself.  Writing clarifies my thoughts.  Or something.  But my thoughts aren’t necessarily interesting to anyone other than me.

My activity level on AFF is rising again.  Sometimes I stop spending much time on AFF because it’s such a time sucker. I log on and before I know it HOURS have passed!

Even though my profile is detailed, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for.  One night stands aren’t enough.  NSA seems to mean being treated like a prostitute or call girl — made to order, do your job and then goodbye.  FWB means let’s have sex until I find a “real” girlfriend.

I want a really close good friend who also turns me on and finds me hot.  Who shares at least some of my kinks.  And would occasionally indulge the others.  (Just as I would theirs, btw.  Okay, with a few, but VERY few exceptions.)

I don’t click with a lot of people in my day-to-day life so it shouldn’t be surprising that finding someone who is both a friend-match and a sex-match is a tad difficult.

I’m acftually writing this in a notebook while sitting outside a Starbucks.  It’s a gorgeous day out.  Drinking coffee and spilling my brain out on paper.  Which will be typed online later.  No, no edits.  My blog post are pretty much all first-draft.

Random thoughts are going through my head that I’m NOT writing down because I’m afraid people reading this would go WTF?  Where did *that* come from?  Ok, so now that I’ve explained that, maybe I’ll be more likely to write them… like…

Do beautiful people know that they’re beautiful?  Do ugly people know that they’re ugly?

A lot of times I want to improve people.  Wait, that sounds judgmental.  I mean it in a totally helpful way.  Even guys that I’m interested in, but who are not interested in me… I end up volunteering to help them get together with some girl they *are* interested in.

ARGH!  I’m being interrupted.  There’s this guy who asked if he could sit at my table.  Sure, all the other tables and chairs are filled and I’m sitting alone writing.  He won’t stop talking to me.  Asking me questions which I’m politely avoiding answering when they’re personal.  He’s telling me that he’s been searching for a girlfriend for three years… yeah?  I wonder why.

*****I got a phone call on my cell and he STILL didn’t get the hint and just kept on talking to me afterwards.  I left.*****

Ok, so why do I get hit on by people I have NO interest in whatsoever? Every convenience store clerk.  Parking attendants.  Guys like the one at Starbucks who just have no social skills.  Why don’t guys I might LIKE ever hit one me?  Seriously.  I’m asking, not trying to whine.  (Oh, and I really don’t mean to say that there’s something intrinsically wrong with people who work in convenience stores or parking garages… I’m just digging myself into a hole here, aren’t I?  Damn.)

Alright, I’m going to be embarrassingly honest about what I’m really wondering.  Do those guys just hit on *every* girl or do they just focus on girls who give off some sort of signal that they might be amenable?  Am I crazy to think that I’m out of these particular guys’ league?  (Yes, I might be *conceited* to think that… but am I crazy, too?)

What the hell are you doing reading all the way to the end of this long post?  Go do something productive! 

Last night, by the time I’d already figured I was in for the night, I got a phone call from an ex-boyfriend.  I missed the call, but he left a voicemail message saying that he was on his way to Chicago, staying overnight at a friend’s, and then taking an early flight somewhere the next morning.  Did I want to get together for a drink?  He’d be in around 11:30.

11:30 is WAAAAY past a time when I would even consider going out.  Normally.  But, I’d been having bouts of insomnia lately and had taken a long nap that afternoon.  I hadn’t seen him for a very long time (though we email each other occasionally).  So, I figured what the heck.

By the time we ended up getting together it was past midnight, but the friend’s apartment was near a bunch of bars and restaurants, so we walked to find a place to hang.  The friend was actually out of town and was letting him use the apartment for the night.  Anyway…

Even though a lot of the bars were still open, there didn’t seem to be any places still serving food and the bars were *packed*.  And *loud*.  Blah blah blah, eventually we did find a bar, even seats, and had a few drinks.

A little background:  I dated this guy for a little over a year, which might not seem that long, but we saw each other almost every day during that time.  I was completely head over heels for him.  I honestly believe he felt the same way about me, too, only for a much shorter period of time than I did.  By the time he broke up with me, I *should* have known that we weren’t good for one another.  That we should have broken up much earlier.  I guess I did know, really, I just didn’t want to know it.  He wasn’t the best boyfriend.  Last night I spent a lot of time telling him all the ways he was really not very nice to me a lot of the time.  And even then I left out a LOT of the really hurtful things he said or did because even though I was telling him all this, it was a teasing playful type of conversation.  Nevertheless, when he broke up with me I was still crazy about him, so he broke my heart.  I am not at all sure how much this has to do with all of that, but it is important additional information… he was INCREDIBLE in bed.

Ok, so that’s a bit subjective.  We did end up fooling around and having sex after going back to his friend’s apartment.  I had NOT planned on that.  I really thought he had no interest in me, physically, at all anymore.  A hint of suspicion rose up in my head when he invited me up to the apartment, but then I realized that he wanted a ride to the airport in a couple of hours.

I know that we had some really good happy times when we were dating, but I have a tendency to always remember one of the bad times, too, whenever I think back on our relationship.  It sours the memories somewhat.  On the other hand, I clearly remembered having really really good sex.  I figured that that wasn’t completely accurate either, just like I know we DID have happy times as well as not-so-happy ones even though that’s not how my memories play in my head.  I figured I’d exaggerated his, well, talent (and that’s not a euphemism) for making me feel amazing.  No such luck.  I remembered correctly.

Anyway… as I was starting to say about it being subjective.  Right.  Of course not every woman will enjoy exactly the same touches, moves, kisses, etc.  But, I don’t think that’s what makes him so good.  I think he’s just really good at being able to read a woman’s body language and reactions to things.  And he remembers what worked and what didn’t for the next time.

He is a really fucking incredible kisser.

I’ve been lucky in my dating forays to have had a lot of really better than average sex.  (Is that an oxymoron?  How can it always be better than average?  Do you suppose I can’t find someone who wants to DATE me because my mind goes off on tangents like this?)  I haven’t found a really great kisser, though.  I’ve had some awful kissers.  Some good ones.  But not great.  THAT I’m pretty sure IS entirely subjective, though.  Oh my, I miss his kisses.

He does have a steady/serious girlfriend right now.  They have an open arrangement, though, so it’s not like he was “cheating” on her last night.  My mom was worried when she heard I was going to meet up with him that I was setting myself up to be hurt again.  It’s not like that anymore.  I’m not in love with him.  I love him.  Meaning — this is my favorite definition of love — I’d be REALLY upset if I heard that he fell out of a third floor window.  I like him, most of the time.  But, the yearning to be in a romantic relationship with him is completely gone.  I’m extremely lucky that he’s in the sort of relationship where he is able to have sex with me without causing anyone pain.

Hmmm… I’m pretty sure I was going somewhere with all of this and now I have no clue where that was.  So, maybe I’ll remember and write more later.

I’m an optimist. Which basically means that — well, actually it means I do spend a lot of my time quite happy. Looking forward to things. Being hopeful. But it also means I’m frequently disappointed.

I went on another second date. And to all you people who might be thinking, hey, I thought you were on hiatus… oh just shut up. Alright, I might as well address that first.

I was on hiatus from AFF. I’m on another site that’s like the evil twin of AdultFriendFinder. I hadn’t been very active over there before, but thought I’d give it a chance. So, actually I *have* been seeing new people. Just only new very kinky people. Ok. End of confession.

So, in my post about no more 2nd dates, I mentioned a guy who I said I *would* go on a second date with. And then he emailed me. Having read that. I think. So, I said yes.

On the first date, he was awesomely nice to me. He flirted with me. He gave me compliments — lots of them. Even though compliments make me a bit uncomfortable and I can never completely believe them, I’m still a complete sucker for them. And once we got to the down and dirty stuff, he was attentive. If you know what I mean. (Pssst… that means he seemed to both *care* if I came AND made an active attempt to make it happen.)

I just got home from the second date. Originally it was supposed to be from 8 p.m. tonight right through til tomorrow. Then he moved it up to this afternoon. And made reference to how it would be a close to 24 hour session. Or at least 24 hours of being together. Take a look at the time of this post. Yeah. I’m home.

Second date was EXACTLY what I said they all are in my previous post when I declared my new no 2nd date rule. Except that it didn’t last only an hour. Looking at that other post I see that I didn’t actually write as much as I thought I did. Other second dates were lasting about an hour. That whole call girl reference was referring to that. So, this one lasted a lot longer, but relative to how long it was supposed to go, is this really any different?

And instead of my not coming at all when the guy does get to come, this time I didn’t come and he came three times. He may be reading this and be pissed off that I’m complaining. I don’t know. If so, let me point out that it’s not personal. It’s just how guys are, I guess. I should know that by now. He’s also probably thinking that I came twice. NO, I said “I’m going to cum” twice. Not the same thing.

Oh, and not one compliment at all. Good to see you doesn’t count.

Really this post is not about him. It’s about me being stupidly optimistic and not paying attention to my own rules that I made based on my own observations. I’m sure I’ll do it again.

I don’t think it’s possible to have what I say I want in my profile. My new one. Yes, I’m changing the subject. Guys can’t be extraordinarily turned on by a girl and really really want to fuck her AND like her. (I don’t mean to rant against men — it’s just that I’m looking for a guy to do that so it doesn’t concern me whether or not it’s possible for women. Or anteaters. Or elm trees.) Someone said in response to my new profile — back when it was just a blog posting — that awww, I was looking for love. No, I’m not. All I want is like. I really don’t need love and devotion and commitment and all that. I just want to be liked AND lusted after.

I don’t think that’s possible. So, back to one date only. Because I don’t want to give up the sex that I love so much just to have some guy like me. My friends like me. My family, most of them, like me. Hell, most of the time *I* like me, too. I don’t actually lust after myself, but I do make myself cum… I think I’m just going to hang out with myself for a while.

Guys who are reading this… if anyone’s gotten all the way this far!… this is NOT an anti-guy rant. I love men. I *like* them. This post is mainly a reminder for myself to read.

1) Do NOT go on second dates! You will NOT have good sex AND you’ll be reminded that the guy doesn’t LIKE you. Stop. Don’t do it!

2) If the guy doesn’t get you off just do it yourself. And if he makes a joke about you doing so, punch him in the balls while he’s still lying there naked and go back to what you were doing.

3) Don’t let guys know that you like sex and not just sex with them. Guys SAY that’s appealing. Then they get all grumpy when you make any reference to it.

4) Make sure that there’s still some ice cream in the refrigerator when you get home from a date because it really sucks to be depressed and have to get back in your car to go get some.

Meant to write this a while ago.

Actually, I was out on a “date” with a guy who said he “already” wanted to see me again. Before we even got naked. LOL. So, I told him, well, good thing I didn’t post my new rule about no more second dates then, huh? He took that to mean he had no chance at a second date. I meant that it would be ironic if I’d posted that I no longer was going on second dates and then immediately went out with a guy who I wanted to see again. Anyway. That’s besides the point.

So, why no more 2nd dates? No second chance, do-overs, repeats, sequels, etc.

I self-identify as a slut. That I *want* to be a slut. I do NOT like feeling like a callgirl. Yes, there’s a difference. And it’s not just the fact that I ain’t getting paid.

The first dates are fun. Exciting. Interesting at the very least. There’s at least some talking. Laughing. And during the sex itself? I’m making assumptions about the guys’ intentions here, I know that. I think they’re trying to impress me. They try, at least, to make it enjoyable for me, too. And any “dates” after that? It’s all about what they want.

Ugh, that doesn’t sound right. I mean, I *like* doing the pleasing. That’s not the problem in itself. There’s no effort to get me off. There’s no non-sex foreplay. There’s rarely much sexual foreplay either. It’s very very similar to what I imagine (cuz I don’t have actual personal experience with this) a callgirl experience is like. Call her up. Tell her what you want. She does it. Nothing in return. (Well, at least a callgirl gets paid, I suppose.) Then send her on her way.

Ok, I sound a LOT more bitter than I am. I’m not. I’m not mad at men. Or any thing else negative. I’m just saying that what happens on second dates is not what I’m looking for. Live and learn, right?

So, only first dates from now on. But I reserve the right to change my mind for certain people. Like the guy I mentioned above.

With him… I ended up drinking too much and we didn’t get to the good stuff til the next morning. And, yes, it was good. Even if the jewelry on the pierced cock clinked on my teeth a bit too much. I’m sure with some practice I could get used to it, right?

He wanted to spray my face with his cum. As long as I get to lick some of it up… sounds good to me! Yum.

Plus he was really fucking good looking.

Why do I even attempt to write about any of my experiences when it just makes me horny?

I got a new toy recently… .
I think I better go make sure it works. G’nite.

My friend’s description of me has outed me.

Uh, no, not about the part that I live at home with my mom. Yes, I AM a 31 year old single librarian living at home with her mother. Got a problem with that? Ok… anyway….

I like THIN men. I am super picky about this and I also feel horribly guilty about it. I feel un-feminist.

All these years, women have been complaining about men judging them on their body type. About how the average woman is a size X (don’t know what it is, actually) and not built like a model. And I’ve seen this happen myself. I have a great friend who is, to be honest, overweight. It’s not a secret. She’s actively trying to lose weight. And she *has* lost LOTS of weight in the last two years. She is kick ass hysterical and witty and bright. She’s into sports AND she’s “girly” in the way guys usually like women to be. But most guys aren’t interested in her that way. Because of her weight. Even guys who themselves could stand to lose quite a few.

So, I really feel bad for judging someone based on their body. For some reason, if I’m not attracted to someone’s face I don’t feel guilty. That seems much more of a to-each-one’s-own thing. See, I’m petite. I’m NOT rail thin. I don’t even have a flat stomach. But I am a size 2 or 4 in clothing. I’m about 5′3″. I weigh about 118 lbs. (I’m not absolutely positive about the height and my weight varies by a couple of pounds depending on the day.) And I like guys without, well, flab. I can’t think of a more polite way to put it.

This is not fair on so many levels. I’ve already gone over the we shouldn’t judge women so if I judge men I’m an anti-feminist one. Then there’s the fact that I do have *some* flab. I mean, you can definitely grab onto my stomach or my butt. I like to say that women should be squishy, though. Men don’t have to be *hard* — well, ahem, they DO but THAT’S not what I’m talking about here. They can be soft. But not squishy. (I also like to say that I can’t lose the fat I do have because I’m diabetic and it’s much easier to stick a needle in when you’ve got a bit of fat to grab on to!)

I think, but I’m not really sure, that I’d be more likely to consider a larger guy if I were looking for a boyfriend. Or whatever a boyfriend/girlfriend is called once you’re over 30. Actually, yeah, I am pretty sure that’s true. I’ve had crushes on guys who were bigger than what my fantasy guy is like. I digress…

For sex. That’s different. I mean, c’mon, isn’t it? There’s a certain look that turns each of us on. And while I do believe that there IS a universal beauty. There are people who the vast majority of other people will say IS or IS NOT attractive, there’s a huge amount of variety, too. I was going to give an example of a guy everyone thinks is gorgeous but who I don’t. And my mind has gone blank. I can only think of the opposite. Steven Tyler. Even now at his current age. OMG. LOVE him. House M.D. Completely adore him. uhm… **mind wandering** What was my point?

So. THAT is one of the two major reasons I don’t reply or am not interested in someone. Does everyone know what the Body Mass Index (BM is? Your BMI is your weight in pounds (for us Americans) multiplied by 703, then divide that number by the square of your height in inches. If that’s too complicated and you are actually interested in this, search for BMI calculator. That’ll get you a link to a page that will calculate it for you. Anyway. “Normal” is 18.5 - 24.9. And that seems about right for what I know about guys’ heights and weights and what I find attractive.

OTOH, there’s this guy I know who I’m absolutely crazy about and I’ll bet his BMI is over 24.9. So, what do I know?