Another Sex Blog

Here’s the fantasy he described.

In the Dark.

You come to my house and I welcome you at the door with a blindfold in hand. I promptly put it over your eyes so you become isolated from the environment immediately. Your Master guides you to a room and gets you undressed completely, leaving you stark naked and still blind. You are restrained next, arms behind your back, legs slightly opened and you are made to get on your knees. Next come hours and hours of complete loss of control. In the dark you will wait for whatever comes next never knowing what it is or when it is coming or how long you have been kneeling in that room. It may be your Master’s cock in your mouth, a gentle back rub, a hard spank, a juicy strawberry in your mouth, some aromatic oil, a vibrator in your pussy for what seems like hours. Your hair will be pulled, you will swallow you Master’s cum, you will feel his hands and his cock exploring every crevice, you will hear different sounds and music, wax will be poured on you, ice will be used on your nipples. Basically you won’t know what’s coming next, you won’t know when it will and all you can do is wait. You might have to wait 10 minutes or you might have to wait half an hour for the next thing. All you’ll know is that your Master has a long night of assaulting your senses in every possible way, sublime and painful, hard and soft, sweet and sour. You will not be allowed to fall asleep, your senses will be buzzing for your next sensation which could be simple or could be complex, and always it will be your Master’s decision until you can’t take it anymore and you beg to be released.

And then what happened…

He did blindfold me soon after I entered his house. Reality almost always interferes in enacting fantasies. I had to take off my jacket, hat, gloves! Blindfolded, he led me to another room and had me kneel on something soft to cushion my knees. He fastened a collar around my neck. He handcuffed my hands in front of me. I was still fully dressed. Fitted blazer, sheer blouse, black bra. Knee length pencil skirt, black thigh highs, black satin panties, and pink and black leopard print 4″ heels.

Honestly, I can’t tell you everything about the night in a linear fashion. I don’t remember. And it’s not because this took place last Saturday. I couldn’t have told you what happened in what order immediately afterwords either.

Not all of my senses were as heightened as others. I don’t think that I connect with music in the way many others do, for example. He played music that had heavy rhythms and sometimes drums. While I liked some of the songs and it did sometimes mask other noises, it wasn’t something I paid much attention to. Taste isn’t something that overwhelms me either. Of course, there are tastes that I love and crave, but I don’t feel the way that I’ve heard others who LOVE food describe.

My sense of touch, however, is very sensitive and during these hours, I felt like I could pinpoint each and every nerve. So that’s what I’ll describe most, what affected me most, what I remember, enjoyed, anticipated, and dreaded most. And, again, in not necessarily the order in which it happened.

He caressed my face. Ran his fingers through my hair. That feeling, of being petted like, well, a pet, is heavenly. Chills run through my body at the same time that a feeling of warmth does. At some point he removes my clothing. In steps. I’m left with only my panties.

He told me that he wanted to make me so wet that he’d be able to feel me seeping through the satin. So, I cheated a bit. I removed the cotton lining that’s in the crotch of most panties. Apparently, this made them somewhat sheer, too. And they felt fabulous. The silky smoothness lightly fondling my hairless lips. Mmmm.

He spanked me with his hand. Then gently smoothed the area he’d just hit. Cupping my ass. That was an electrifying feeling. Really. Like pricks of electricity in the area that had just been slapped. I felt him hold me gently and then… slap! As the night went on, those slaps got sharper. Once, twice?, my ass felt the sharp sting of a crop.

He’d purchased a Wartenberg Pinwheel. That was… wow. Lightly rolling over my skin, it almost tickled. Another sensation to give me the shivers. but then, when just a bit more pressure was applied and without being able to see and my sense of touch heightened… it felt exactly like I was being cut with a very sharp knife. Sliced. Since I was fully aware of what he was doing, what tool was being used, I *knew* that wasn’t what was happening. I trembled. Shook. It was horrible and I loved it.

Oh! I almost forgot about the candle wax. Much more than last time. On my breasts. It was the same as last time, though. Pain that miraculously disappears entirely. Extreme discomfort and then release. Akin to orgasm. Not like the spanking, btw, which lingers.

A feather very lightly on my skin. On my breastbone and my tummy. That took a little while for me to recognize. Did it come after the Pinwheel? It felt warm. I thought it was something liquid being poured on me at first. Then I realized what it was. And was grateful I’m not ticklish.

I know he meant for the spankings, the smacks and slaps on my ass, to be surprises. When he was holding me gently, kissing me, and petting me, I could tell when one was coming. His arm would pull back. There was a pause. And I’d tense to prepare for it. But, when he was just walking around… I’m sure I didn’t always know when he was near, but I think I did more than he realized. He smokes. Well, when he was actually smoking near me, he knew I could smell that, but I could detect the odor of cigarettes even when he wasn’t smoking at the time. If he was near enough. And I would brace myself. Eventually, I was in an almost constant state of tension. Waiting for another strike of pain. And those spankings HURT! Fuck! MUCH later, I could still feel a thin line of pain where the crop had made contact. The tension, clenching my muscles, when I though he might be near and trying to sneak up on me… I came close to crying. Not from any actual sensation, but from the anxiety.

My thighs ached. I thought “I’m going to HAVE to tell him that I can’t stay in this position any longer. I need to move.” But, I didn’t. He had me stand at one point, for just a short time, and I was unable to do so on my own. I held onto him, gripped his shoulders. Actually, of everything, this, I think, shows the best how much I trusted him. I’ve never been able to play that game where you fall backwards and trust that your parter, behind you, will catch you. I just can’t do it. Even if it’s someone I KNOW would never ever hurt me and would do anything to protect me from harm… I’m certain they’ll be distracted at just the wrong moment. But, I trusted him to hold me standing and not let me fall.

He put clamps on my nipples, when I still had my bra on so there was some protective padding. (Do you know how difficult it is to find bras these days that *aren’t* molded? It’s crazy.) Other times, he pulled on my nipples. Squeezed my breasts. Teased me.

I don’t know that any of this really sounds erotic. But, it was. I DID get very wet.

Photos were taken throughout all of this. Flashes went off. It was disconcerting. Not having any idea of what I looked like and having my picture taken. While I knew pictures were being taken, there were times when I must have not really been paying attention to that, because I later saw photos that I could tell were taken at times that I wasn’t at all concsious of them.

He fed me his cock. For those new to my blog (waving at newcomers, if there are any), that is one of my biggest turn-ons. OMG. I love having my mouth full with cock. My tongue being kept busy. And, I have a serious cum fetish. So as I sucked him, as he fucked my face, I knew that I was going to get to taste and swallow his cum. That just made me wetter.

I collapsed on the floor. Layed down, very comfortable. He left me for a while. The song “You Sexy Thing” came on. LOL. I love that song. I started dancing, while lying down. I think he missed seeing that, but I’m not sure. I know I had a huge smile on my face. I swear it’s a good thing that song didn’t play earlier when something more intense was going on. I would have started bobbing and grinning and that would have been weird! Hehe.

He made me cum with his fingers thrusting inside of me. He gets right at my G spot, the underside of my clit, whatever it is in that spot that is just amazing. I don’t know when that happened exactly. Near the end or after he’d taken off the blindfold and collar and handcuffs?

We took a bubble bath and I got to be giggly and girly and goofy. Very relaxed. He told me that he was happy with what had happened. He was pleased. And that made me *glow* inside.

Not everything was as perfect as he wanted it to be, I’m sure. Some of the sensations he tried to provoke in me really weren’t happening. I mean, they happened, but weren’t out of the ordinary. Didn’t overwhelm me. Obviously, others very much did. Probably more than he knows either way. Those that were less and those that were more.

Lots more happened than what I wrote about here. These are the parts that will stay with me, though.

Thanks for letting me share.

No, it’s not because I enjoy pain. Or that pain feels good to me.

I get intense pleasure knowing that I’m pleasing someone else. Well, sexually anyway. No, I’m not going to wash your windows for you.

So, being spanked, having my hair pulled, my nipples pinched and twisted, being fucked from behind with me on my knees — him thrusting so hard and so deep that each piercing push is a jab of pain… it’s knowing that HE knows that I’m **enduring** the pain so that he has his pleasure.

Kind of weird roundabout thinking, huh?

In other words, if I’m with someone who is turned OFF by causing any pain, then I wouldn’t enjoy it either. And it’s not something I *need* either.

I’m not sure if it’s possible to really explain this to someone who doesn’t feel this way, but oh well, at least I’ve tried. Just cuz I felt like it.

In case you have no idea what the craigslist sex scandal IS, see Violet Blue’s synopsis.

That page also contains links to info about the “prank”.

(Oh, and for those guys that think us women who complain about the misspellings and just-not-nice emails we get, take a look at some of the responses at http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/RFJason_CL_Experiment

These are the kinds of responses we ALL get — even those who do NOT post “I like it rough and nasty” ads.)

Very simply summed up: rjfason posts ad on Seattle craigslist that is supposedly from a submissive female seeking sex with a dom male. “Supposedly” because I read that he copied the ad from another place and just used it. The ad doesn’t read at all, to me, like a real ad. I think even the original was probably a fake… but anyway… so he gets all the scuzzy email responses that all women who post online in any sort of remotely sexually related way gets. Then he proceeds to post these responses online in their entirety — including any identifying info he received.

People are debating. Did he break the law? Is this unethical? Did these guys who responded and are now being outed (for lack of a better term) deserve it? Is this a fabulous way to teach people that they shouldn’t give out private info to someone they don’t know? Is this even a big deal?

I’m kind of amazed at how controversial it all is.

I don’t know if he broke the law. I honestly thought that any correspondence I received from someone was mine to do with as I wished, but apparently there *are* laws against that in some places.

Damn YES it’s unethical! He’s a jerk. His only motivation is to BE a jerk. I read a piece where someone compared him to the people who pose as underagers to catch pedophiles. Well, I think that’s kind of shitty, too, but it’s NOT the same. Yeah, motivation matters. Even in the law it matters. That’s the main difference between murder and manslaughter, isn’t it?

Then there’s the argument that no one should give out their private info to a stranger and people should be more cautious blah blah blah. Look, whoever you are reading this, you give out your personal info to people you don’t know ALL THE TIME. I thought phishing was actually illegal. Why do people get upset about it if all it is is a scammer pretending to be someone/something he/she is not and getting your info in the process? According to this logic, it shouldn’t matter at all that you assumed your information was going to a different person or that it was going to be used in a different way. Or identity theft. All that person is doing is using information about you that you yourself made available in *some* way.

But, some argue, these are slimy sleazy guys who are sending dick pics and offensive words and are looking to be the top in a bdsm relationship. Guys who want to fuck and fuck up some girl. Uh, yeah… so? I know others have made the point that this would be seen differently by a lot of people (though certainly not all) if it were an “experiment” (as rfjason calls it) to publicly out gays or lesbians. But since it’s guys who most people see as, well, icky, then it’s ok. Afterall, if they hadn’t responded to *that kind* of ad then they wouldn’t have to worry about all this. Yeah. And if that girl hadn’t worn that short skirt on her date, she wouldn’t have been raped. It’s ALL HER FAULT. Silly of her to have trusted a guy she hardly knew enough to let him drive her home. Well, yeah, actually, that IS stupid.. er, silly of her. But it doesn’t excuse the guy from being EVIL for raping her. Get the analogy?

Also — rfjason claims to be ignorant of how this could possibly hurt anyone’s life. He claims that no one could be fired, for example, over this. First, sexual preference is NOT automatically protected from discrimination everywhere. It’s local, not federal. Then there’s the fact that that only refers to sexual orientation — gay, straight, bi. NOT kinky vs vanilla. There’s no law protecting people from being fired for having a picture of their genitals online. Personally, I think there *should* be a law that says employers can’t fire you for what you do outside of work, but there’s not. And there’s definitely no law that protects people from having their friends or family reject them. Even for sexual orientation. *MY* friends and family wouldn’t. I’m assuming from his attitude that rfjason’s wouldn’t either. But that’s SO not true for lots, if not most, people.

I also read someone suggest that maybe this would keep some of those jerks who aren’t *really* responding to the ads and are just being assholes from responding to ads in the future. I doubt it. They’ll still respond, only now some of them will use fake info or set up anon email addresses. It’s the guys who are sincere who will no longer respond. And for those of us women who really ARE sincerely posting ads, we lose out. Yeah, it’s a pain to dig through all the drudge and slime to find the few gems, but they really are out there. I’ve met some and had some fabulous experiences. I wonder if some of those men will no longer answer ads. Or will no longer send me a face photo when I ask for one… which means I will NOT be meeting with them.

This is just another time when I have to ask “Why can’t we just all be nice?”

I know it’s so naive, but it’s still the only solution to most of the world’s misery. IMHO.

Wow.

I am simply amazed at some of the responses I’ve gotten to my posting about the gangbang.

Apparantly, I’m now psychologically damaged, a sex addict, on my way to a drug habit, have horribly low self-esteem, and am going to end up bloody and beaten. In an alley, no less.

And each person that writes to “warn” me and offer their “help” straight out says they won’t listen to my defending myself and when I ask them for more info they retract their offer for help, too.

I’m feeling a whole bunch of things here. I want to give more info that I think wasn’t obvious in what I’ve already shared about my sex life and what I’ve been doing. I want to throw insults back at those who have written me and called ME names. I *really* want to know why I even give a shit about what people I don’t know at all think of me.

I doubt that any of the people who have contacted me will even bother to read this. They’ve all declared that my “denial” that I’m in trouble is “proof” that I *am* in trouble. Kind of a catch-22.

I’m not a sex addict. I can see how it *might* seem that way if you really think that I write about ALL of my life on this blog. From the National Council of Sex Addiction:

1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
2. Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?
3. Have you stayed in romantic relationships after they become emotionally or physically abusive?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or romantic daydreams?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behavior is abnormal?
6. Does your spouse–or intimate partner–ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel guilty about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
10. Did you ever seek help related to your problematic sexual behavior?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Have you ever participated in sexual activity in exchange for money or gifts?
14. Do you have times when you have sex compulsively followed by periods of celibacy (no sex at all)?
15. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from people important to you?
17. Do you find yourself having multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex or romantic fantasies been a way for you to escape your problems?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Do you regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior or fantasies?
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?
23. Have you been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or fantasies of romance?
25. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?

3 - 4 “yes” responses may indicate an area of concern and should be openly discussed with a friend or family member.
5 - 7 positive answers suggests a need for further assessment of the problem behavior, including the consideration of attending a 12-Step support program such as Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous.
More than 7 “yes” responses indicates a serious struggle with addictive sexual issues with potentially self- abusive and/or dangerous consequences. Should seriously consider professional treatment.

The ONLY yes I have is possibly to #2 because I have a subscription to Playboy. Oh, and #21 and I think that’s a biased question.

So, I’m addicted to napping and to ice cream, but not to sex. (Seriously, though, I DO know what addiction feels like. I’m 5 months smoke-free after 10 years of smoking 1-2 packs a day.)

There also seems to be a MAJOR misunderstanding about both HOW I ended up with this particular group of guys for the gangbang AND about BDSM in general. I’m not sure which to address first…

Hmmm. Ok. The guy who organized the gangbang (GB). I’ve been kind of seeing him regularly. I wouldn’t call him my “boyfriend” and I have the feeling (but, I’m not sure) we’re NOT compatible after all, but that’s besides the point and has nothing to do with our *physical* and *sexual* compatibility (which REALLY sucks, come to think of it, since we are SO compatible THAT way).

He’s sweet. Very kind. Very nice. I’m offended that people are assuming he must be abusive AND that I wouldn’t be able to tell that he is. Which he isn’t.

Anyway, YEARS ago, he formed this group of men who do gangbangs. He has standards for a guy to join the group and most of the men have been “members” for a long time. His absolute number one rule is RESPECT the WOMAN. Is it possible that there will one day be a guy who IS disturbed and violent? Sure, it’s possible that “my” guy would be fooled. But those OTHER seven, eight, nine, whatever, guys who sure as hell stop the bastard from doing harm.

I just can’t emphasize enough how normal and nice and RESPECTFUL these men are. Were they somewhat rough during the sex? Yes and I even said I would have liked it rougher (which I’ll get to…). But afterwards they took care of me and made sure I had anything I needed. Did I add all those details in the story? No, I didn’t think it was “erotic,” but I made the mistake of thinking that some of my regular readers had read my earlier posts. And that they KNEW I needed that kind of aftercare. And there’s no way I’d be *happy* about the experience if I hadn’t gotten it.

BDSM. I have had submissive fantasies since I was approximately five years old. No, I wasn’t abused or anything like that at all. Actually, I just recently went to a talk given by a Domme who says she also had her dominant fantasies since she was a little kid. It’s not uncommon.

Submissive does NOT mean less-than or garbage or worthless, people! Geez. Being into D/s is NOT a psychological disorder. ARE there people who have, well, “issues” who get involved in BDSM? Of course. But that doesn’t mean that being into BDSM means you have “issues!”

Oh, so the roughness. I did say in my post that I did wish they were rougher. Maybe the people who contacted me just assumed that a GB had to be rough to begin with so my asking for more had to mean actual violence?? One person who contacted me suggested that I would continue to want more roughness until I ended up with a damaged colon. LOL! Uhm, no. You ain’t getting anywhere NEAR my ass without MY being in control of that. And I did have to back away from some of the guys who wanted to try anal with me during the GB. Sorry, they were either too big or were going at an angle that wasn’t comfortable for me. I didn’t even have to SAY stop in those cases, I just pulled away from them and that was it. The image I attached here is the motto of people involved in BDSM groups and they take it very seriously. And I AM involved with people in these groups, not just random “unknowns.”

However, I like having my hair pulled. Not pulled OUT, just pulled. I like being pulled onto a guy. I like being bitten. NOT until there’s blood, just little nips. THAT’s what I meant by rougher. And there is NO proof anywhere out there that people into BDSM and slightly masochistic just keep needing more and more. I looked. I actually found studies that state what I just stated. There’s no evidence for it. None.

Oh and to the guy (who I’m almost certain is NOT reading this, oh well) who says I’ll “wake up some morning with zosters all over your beautiful face” needs to do a little research on the different types of herpes viruses and how they’re transmitted. I understood his/her point, but it loses a little something when the basic facts are flawed.

Also, getting off on “humiliation” DURING sex, doesn’t mean you’ll stand for it outside of sex. Yes, I like to be called names and be called a “slut” when I’m having sex. I’m really pissed off at the guy who emailed me and called me that for real. In a very derogatory manner. Who says that I’m ignorant of what I’m doing. And of who I’m spending my time with. He says that ” I’ll venture to say the only men who are following your blog with desires to meet you are the wolves in sheep’s clothing..the ones ready and eager to take advantage of you. They do not give a fuck about you, in any way , shape or form. They are pretenders at best,otherwise they’d have no part in it.” This person by the way specifically did NOT give me permission to quote him. But, he doesn’t have to for me to have the right to do it. I’m so tempted to name him because he’s hurt me very badly. I thought he was a sort-of friend. And he’s the one I want to throw insults at, reflexively. In retaliation.

I absolutely know with no doubt in my head or heart at all that there’s at LEAST one guy who I’ve met with in real life, who reads my blog, who does not feel that way about me. (Hi, friend, if you’re reading this! I hope you know who you are!) I’m pretty sure about some others. And I know that the guy who organized the GB cares for me, too. He doesn’t bring me flowers and go to the movies with me and tolerate my wanting to go places that serve girlie drinks all because I have sex with him. Or not ONLY because of that, anyway.

So, ok? In case anyone IS reading this that’s worried about me and you haven’t written to me, I’m ok. I guess if you really believe that anyone who’s into BDSM or is submissive has psychological problems, then I probably can’t convince you otherwise from here. It’s NOT true that I’m going to keep doing “worse” and “worse” things. I really wanted to try DP and TP and I worked my way up to that. I really wanted to be on film and I worked up to that, too. (Hey, I don’t post about ALL my experiences here!)

There are other things I want to try, but I’m guessing they’ll sound more tame. That doesn’t mean I no longer want to try them. I’d like to masturbate while a guy is sucking my nipples. I’d like to have sex while ALSO using a vibrator on my clit. I want to have sex in front of a mirror. Actually, I think the photos and filming were part of working up to the mirror!

Ok. I’m done explaining. For now.

Oh, feel FREE to argue/disagree/try to convince me I’m wrong. I’m **ALWAYS** open to hearing another’s point of view.

WHY do people go out of their way to say things to make another person feel badly? I mean, really, if it’s gonna take all that effort to do it, why not just say nothing at all and let it go?

I have accounts all over the damn web. Apparently, if you’re *PSYCHO* and have WAY too much time on your hands, you can track down my various accounts. (Wondering how much time it took this guy to do that.)

Anyway. I have accounts/profiles on match and on my space (along with quite a few other sites.) This morning I got an email on my space which just ruined my day. He, the sender, berated me for the activities I’ve been engaging in and posting about here. Now, understand, I do NOT feel bad about myself or about what I’ve been up to. He says in his email “you’re not garbage.” Yeah, no shit I’m not, fuckhead. (Oops, did I say that out loud?) But I find it extremely depressing that someone would take all this time to track me down to a site where they could write to me for free — cheapass — and then write a LONG email telling me how disturbed I am. I KNOW that a lot of people out there would/do disapprove of my choices. Do they need to tell me about it? I’m bordering on atheism. Do I go track down religious people and tell them what a huge mistake they’re making with their life wasting them time on such nonsense? (For those of you reading who ARE religious, no that’s not how I feel about it/you. I could be wrong and you could be right and EVEN IF I’m right and you’re wrong, I don’t see what right I would have to try to make you feel badly. That would just make me MEAN.)

Why do my posts always end up so much longer than I expect them to when I start them?

So, here’s the letter I got from Joe Kickass, who according to his profile there is a 30 year old guy from Chicago, on my space.

Oh, and the line he mentions about my mentioning sex in my G-rated profile is this: “I love talking about and reading about sex. (I want to say “in an intellectual way”, but that sounds so pretentious and I can’t think of a better way to say it… oh, well, guess I said “intellectual” anyway.) Do NOT take that as an invitation to send me crude come-ons. However, also realize that if the topic of sex makes you uncomfortable, I will probably make you uncomfortable sooner or later.”

Date: Jul 6, 2006 10:48 PM
Subject: Concern
Hello,

I felt compelled enough to sign-up on this website just to write you. I actually saw your profile on Match and thought we had a lot in common (hobbies, music, interests, religion (well, lack of believing in it), etc.). You were very articulate (it’s better than the typical profiles that are written all in caps and broken English), and of course, I thought you looked very attractive. But, I got to the paragraph about the sex discussion, which I thought was unusual. That kind of stopped me in my tracks, but I still kept your profile in mind just in case I changed my mind.

Being the pessimist that I am, I actually look on other websites and do other searches on the Internet to see if the same people that I’d like to write have profiles elsewhere (also, it is free to write people on some of these other websites). Many of these websites are written poorly enough that I could just pull up all the content and photos without even logging in. I also think Match.com sucks as far the content they’re asking members to input… most people cannot even string a few sentences together let alone fill in all of the blank areas the websites leave for text. Now, I mentioned pessimist since I actually look for a little more than what people want to share on Match. I have already had a few experiences where the women I was in contact with (or dated) were completely different than who they claimed to be. I don’t even want to waste my time on someone that cannot be honest with me from the beginning.

Well, as it turned out, I saw a profile on AdultFriendinder.com that somewhat matched up to what you had posted on Match. I at first thought you posted a profile as a joke, but I was shocked at what you have been doing… so much so that it made me feel really bad for you. Even though we don’t know one another at all (although, it is possible since I’m right around Park Ridge), I could see that you do not realize what you’re getting into… you might not even understand why you want to be involved with those activities. By no means do I think are you probably going to listen to anything I say, but you are really damaging yourself and your future by getting involved with those cold, meaningless relationships. You’ve probably kept what you are involved in secret from your friends (the people on AdultFriendFinder aren’t your friends) and family. A good hint is if it is something that you’re too embarrassed or ashamed about to even talk about it with your family. You really need to speak with someone to get some help, so you can have a future with a guy (not me… I’m writing you out of concern and that is all) that will respect you, take care of you, and love you. The more you are involved physically with other guys the more distant you will be from finding a “good” guy and being able to sustain a lasting relationship with him. It is easy to be sold on relationships with nothing more than physical involvement, but after it is over you are left with nothing on the emotional level except emptiness.

There will always be plenty of guys interested in being with you for one night, but if you don’t stop you’ll end up being in your 40s/50s alone and only with the experience of being with guys that only cared about you until they were done with you for the night and long gone. You are not garbage, and you cannot continue to let your dignity and respect continue to diminish because of ill contrived fantasies. And, even though you are saying you are “safe” when you get involved in these activities, you are not (especially when you are in contact with any bodily fluids). You are putting your health and safety in jeopardy every time you get together with any of those guys. Eventually, someone has to lose at Russian Roulette.

Even though you’re more than capable of finding one, if you want, I can suggest a therapist that you could speak with about all of this. I can tell by your writings that there is much more inside of emotionally than maybe even you realize. I know you’re an adult and can do whatever you choose to do (it’s your right). All I know is that if I had a friend that looked out for me when I was getting myself involved in a destructive situation, I would be very grateful that they were there for me when I didn’t know I needed them.

Sorry that I was intrusive, but I just got really concerned. If you want to reply, rant, ask me something, etc.; that is fine with me. Otherwise, I won’t be contacting you again. I hope everything for you turns out well.

-J

Ok, this is too long, but I’m still going to post what I wrote to him in response — I couldn’t help myself!

Dammit, my day is ruined and it’s only 8:30 a.m.

Here’s what I wrote back to him:

Who the fuck do you think you are?

I don’t know why you might have even thought for a second we might be compatible since my mentioning that I like to talk about sex freaked you out. A bit repressed, maybe? You should see a therapist if talking about sex — especially JUST in a sociological/scientific — makes you that uncomfortable. That’s really unhealthy.

I’m assuming you know what I’ve “been doing” from reading my blog on Adult FriendFinder. I *do* find it a little odd that someone so uncomfortable with the topic of sex would even be ON Adult FriendFinder… another indication that you’re conflicted about your sexuality?

These aren’t “cold, meaningless relationships” because they’re not “relationships.” Well, at least not any more so than the “relationship” I have with my accountant or my opthamologist. And, actually, you’re wrong about my keeping this a secret! LOL! Most of my friends know. My mother and my sister know. Though not *details* but only because they don’t *want* to know those — and I know that because they’ve told me. Same with my coworkers. How much do YOUR friends and family know about your sexual activities and fantasies, btw? Mine know that I go to a weekly BDSM munch (google it if you don’t know what that is.)

I guess you’re not aware of the fact that there are people out there VERY different from you. I won’t be able to find a guy who can respect and love me? First, who says that’s what I want? I have some fabulous women friends in their 60s and 70s who have never been married and are extraordinarily happy with their lives. I’m not saying you *can’t* be married and have that kind of happiness, but it’s absolutely not necessary. I also have an extremely close and tight-knit group of friends AND extended family. The only way I’d be “alone” in my 40s/50s is, I suppose, if some sort of plague wiped all of those people out and I was somehow miraculously spared. Anyway, second, there ARE guys who not only wouldn’t mind my past, but would find it a PLUS. I have the feeling you won’t believe that because YOU don’t feel that way and it’s unlikely you’ve spoken directly to people who have told you that they do feel that way. If you want to get an idea of the variety of people out there and the types of relationships that are possible, check out Alt.com, too. And, yes, I know people in HAPPY polyamorous relationships, also.

Even if I was a virgin, though, I would never EVER fall in love nor commit myself to the type of man who would hold that against me or against any woman.

You’re DAMNED right I’m not garbage! Which is why I’m so offended that you’re writing to me as if I were. Would you have this horrible opinion of me if I were a guy? Uhm, NO! I realize that everyone has their own prejudices but I think it’s useful to be aware of them. You’re sexist. Another thing you might want to talk to your therapist about.

As far as being “safe” — don’t be a complete idiot. The only “safe” sex is sex with yourself. And come to think of it, with some of those cheap vibrators and other toys out there, that comes with potential hazards, too. I suppose I could be more PC and say “safer” sex.

I’d love to know what “I can tell by your writings that there is much more inside of emotionally than maybe even you realize” means, btw.

I am so completely enraged at your audacity and judgementalness (is that a word?) I don’t even know how to express it. I think I’m most upset by the fact that you just ASSUME that I even WANT to find “the one.” That all I would ever want in this world above ALL else, including physical pleasure would be “a guy that will respect you, take care of you, and love you.” TAKE CARE OF ME? What century IS this? Uhm, thanks, I can do that myself.

Oh yeah, I wanted to ask, how exactly being “physical” with other guys would keep me from being able to “sustain a lasting relationship”? What’s the connection?

I really am interested in your response to all of this. Unlike you, I’m actually interested in how people other than me think. And please include a photo. That’s only fair considering you’ve seen MORE than enough of me, don’t you think? (If I was so *ashamed* of what I’ve been doing, why would I have my photo out there???)

(and I signed my first name to the bottom).

So, what the hell happened?

I’ll try to keep it short, but don’t hold your breath.

I had a profile on Alt.com. Almost identical to the one here. I was looking for a D/s relationship. I answered an email I got from a guy.

We emailed back and forth. And back and forth. And he seemed to be offering *exactly* what I had been looking for for as long as I can remember. And I have very very early memories. But, that’s another one of those topics I intend to write about someday and never seem to get around to.

So, anyway, we emailed. I know this sounds cliche, but I really did tell him things about myself that I’ve never told anyone else.

We met, very briefly, in person. By that time I already had high hopes for this relationship.

Oh, I should point out that this particular relationship was NOT going to be “romantic.” It was a *kinky* friends with benefits situation. He told me he didn’t mind if I had a vanilla boyfriend and I wouldn’t have cared if he had a significant other either. Even if they weren’t vanilla.

Anyway, we met in person, and I was SO nervous I was literally shaking. My hands were trembling. But, after meeting him I was even more certain that this was the guy who was going to provide me with what I’d been searching for.

I consider myself submissive. That does NOT mean that I’m submissive to anyone and everyone. Nor does it mean that I’m a doormat. I want respect. I deserve respect. And just because I like to be told what to do in the bedroom (figuratively), doesn’t mean I’ll tolerate it in day-to-day life or in other areas of my life. This guy seemed to completely understand that. Which seems to me to be a rare quality among the male Doms on Alt.

Then things got busy in my life and then things got busy in his and we didn’t seem to be able to find a good time to meet FOR REAL. I was being patient. I’d send him emails every once in a while and he’d promise me that when we finally met things would be even better than I hoped. And he’d say the nicest things about me. Compliments about my looks.

See, I’m very… not sure of the right word… concerned? about my physical appearance. I desperately want to be attractive. And sexy. At the same time, I constantly doubt that I am. I feel like I should try to figure out why it’s so important to me… but so far I haven’t. It just is.

So, his telling me that he found me very attractive, cute, sexy was intoxicating because there was something about the way he said it that made me believe him. Usually, my reaction to when/if people compliment me is to wonder what they want. What purpose is trying to get me to believe their compliments serving for them? Also something I’ve thought since I was very young. My mom tells me a story about how I often would cry when people would compliment me and she once asked me why I did that. My response was “I don’t know what they WANT!”

Fast forward.

I email him some photos. I don’t hear from him for days. I’m getting tired of checking my email hoping to see a response from him and that gut dropping feeling I’d get when there wasn’t one. Now, I of all people, really, should know that sometimes it just takes a while for someone to get back to someone else. But after 5 days. And also a string of emails that had been one sentence or less long.

Oh, wait, rewind. Shortly after we began emailing and he seemed to be ideal, I changed my profile on Alt to say that I was no longer looking for a match.

Ok. So. After 5 days, I went and changed my profile on Alt. I removed the part about my having potentially found someone.

THEN he emails me. And says that he heard a rumor that my profile had changed and that that was probably for the best since he was too busy to pursue this.

So much for making this short, huh?

THAT’s when I wrote the post below this. Where I was sad. I was disappointed. I was feeling like I should have known better than to think that what I’d dreamed of could actually happen.

It wasn’t heartache. It was crushed dreams. It wasn’t personal. It was having built up my hopes SO high that when they collapsed, I had a long way to go when I hit the ground. Boom. Ouch. It hurt. And as much as I wanted what had been on top of that mountain of expectations, I’m not really one to get right back on the horse. To completely mix metaphors.

Late last night and today I was told that he already has a sub girlfriend. He actually lives with another woman. (He specifically told me about this girlfriend but told me she was someone he casually dated years ago. He explicitly told me he lived alone.) He was, I don’t know exactly, using me to get his girlfriend jealous? Or something like that? He never had any intention of making what he promised me into reality. So, now I feel like an idiot. And naive. And scammed.

And supposedly he also would make fun of me. Laughed at me.

So now not only are my dreams shattered — I don’t think I can make myself believe again that they’re possible — AND I feel like a naive fool — I also realize that all of his compliments really WERE serving some other purpose. If he was making fun of me and laughing at me, then he didn’t mean it when he told me I was charming… cute… sexy…

Yea! Now I get to be ugly and charmless, too.

So, fuck. I feel like shit.

Yes, I do know that this will pass. I WILL feel better. I’ll probably even get on the damn horse or climb the mountain, whichever metaphor you prefer, again. But right now life sucks.

However, just like I suspected it would, writing about it has already made me feel a little better. It’s like purging it. I’ve written about it and so I don’t need to keep repeating how I *would* write about it in my head.

… on how to make AnoherSexBlogger cum:

Nipples. My nipples are key. Play with them. Roll them between your fingers. Lick them, suck them, gently bite them. Flick your tongue over them. Have I gotten my point across? My nipples are like magic ‘on’ buttons.

Talk dirty to me. TELL me what you’re going to do to me. Or have me do to you. Tell me if you like what I’m doing. Tell me what you wish you could do to me or have me do. Call me names — whore, cumslut, bitch — be creative.

Cum in my mouth. Ok, I realize this isn’t always convenient, depending on what’s going on when you’re ready to cum. And just cumming in my mouth isn’t going to make me cum all by itself. But if I’m close, this can push me over the edge.

Let me be on top. Or bent over something — a bed, a couch, a table — while you fuck me from behind.

A vibrator? Actually, I’ve never tried this. But, I assume using a vibrator on my clit *with* a guy would work just as well as when I use it *alone*.

MAYBE oral sex. Most of the time, though, no. I’ll explain. C’mon you knew I couldn’t write just a simple list, didn’t you? If a guy goes down on me I spend way too much effort worrying to ever relax enough to cum. I worry that he finds it distasteful (no pun intended?) and is just doing it because “everyone knows” that all women like it. I worry that it’s taking too long for me to cum so he’s getting tired. It all boils down to, I don’t believe he really WANTS to be eating me. And that makes me not be able to relax. HOWEVER — there was one guy I dated who convinced me that he actually liked it. He made me feel like *I* was doing *him* a favor by letting him do it. (Which, actually, IS how I felt about it.) And OMG he made me cum. Hard. Yeah, I had no problem whatsoever letting him do THAT again. Another guy recently accomplished the same thing. Anyway, I asked my ex once exactly what it was he did down there that worked. Cuz, really, I couldn’t tell. Since this is a cheatsheet, I’ll pass on what he said. He said he would get my clit between his teeth — YES, his teeth — and flick back and forth with his tongue. He’d tease me by being rhythmic and then change the rhythm and finally just continue at a rhythm until I came.

Don’t STOP! See, if a woman says “Don’t stop,” she means it. She doesn’t mean “go faster.” Or “change the pace of what you’re doing.” Or “harder.” Or “softer.” She means “KEEP DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” Even if you feel like you’re about to pass out. Or cramp up. Just a few more seconds. Maybe a minute. Ok? Please? Thanks.

Did I mention my nipples?

Tell me if I have to be quiet. I’m noisy. Most of the time. Grunts and moans. I’ve had guys suddenly cover my mouth to make me be quiet, which *does* shut me up — because then I feel like I’m supposed to be ashamed. Which just turns me off. I know that’s irrational. It’s usually just that I didn’t realize they don’t want their neighbor or roommate or, I don’t know, dog to hear us having sex. The point being, just let me know if I have to be quiet; don’t panic and cover my mouth. Which reminds me of another point…

Do not be ashamed of having sex with me. Or, at the very least, try to hide it from me. So you met me on a sex site? So what? Don’t create these obstacles to get around just to ensure that no one could possibly see us together. (Notice that on my profile I do NOT list “discrete relationships” as something I’m looking for.) If someone does see us and wants to know who I am, I’m someone you met online. What’s the big deal? Because if you *are* ashamed to be seen with me, I can’t help but take that as a judgment of me personally. That you wouldn’t want to be associated with someone who LOOKS like me, mainly. And that makes me think that you want to have sex only because you want to have sex and not because you want to have sex with ME. Which leads to…

Be turned on by me. Yup. It’s totally circular, but if you’re turned on my ME then I’LL be turned on and be much more likely to cum.

Be rough as opposed to gentle. I want to feel like I’m being used. For your pleasure. I want to feel like, of course you’re a nice guy, but you’re so turned on that you just can’t help yourself. You HAVE to have me. Now. THIS way. (Whichever way “this” is.)

Dominate me. (Ack, I can’t help myself… which would make you “dominaNT” not “dominaTE”. Ok. End of spelling lesson.) Same reasons as above I think. Not that reasons really matter. Tell me what to do. Tell me if I’m doing something wrong or you want something done differently. (Tell me if I’m doing good, too! There’s something about being told “Good girl” in a sexual situation that really gets to me.) MAKE me be your slut. (Ahem, in case it’s not obvious, I don’t mean REAL force here. BDSM usually involves safe words and if we were to really be getting into the kind of thing where “no” doesn’t mean “no” then I’d negotiate safe words. For general play, though, an annoyed “cut it out!” from me usually works.)

Ok. That’s enough. That should do it. If I keep typing I’ll end up getting into specific fantasies, which was not the point of this post.

Please print out and post next to the furniture of your choice for fucking. Review frequently. You will be tested on this material at a later time.

One of my fantasies is for a guy to share me with his friends. That happened, kind of, last night, as you can read about in my last post. But, that part isn’t what I wanted to write about — to explain — today.

A lot of guys find that to be a huge turn off. (And there might be someone out there who thinks this is specifically about him. FYI, it’s not. I’m just talking about a log of guys out there, in general.)

They wouldn’t want the girl that they’re with to be fucking other men. They wouldn’t want her to want to be fucking other men.

But there ARE guys out there who, like me, find it to be a turn on. For the majority of you who don’t, I just wanted to point that out.

WHY would *I* want to be shared like that? It’s a huge turn on for me for a guy to be, in turn, turned on by my sex drive and, in my fantasies anyway, my sexual talents. So, really, there’s two aspects to it. It’s the idea that I’m SO great that I have to be shared. AND it’s the idea that he gets hard thinking about my insatiable desire.

TOTAL tangent: Insatiable. Great porn movie, IMHO. The pool table scene especially. Ok, end of tangent.

Simply, it really turns me on if a guy is turned on by my raging libido. If a guy is turned ON by my wanting to have lots of sex with lots of men. And if that’s a turn OFF for you, then we’re not meant to be together, are we? No, we’re not. It would be like two Dominants trying to get together. Or two Subs. It might work for a little while, or occassionally, but in the end everyone would be disappointed.

I don’t know how to better explain it, but for whatever reason, today I was inspired to try.