Another Sex Blog

Girly stuff.  I think.

I love the feeling of ohmygoddoeshelikemecuzilikehim rush feeling.  Unfortunately, that high is always accompanied by the terror that he thinks you’re a complete fucking idiot.  And ugly, too.  But, willing to have sex, so that’s the only reason he’s willing to see you again.

It’s a total high, though, at the same time as it’s a total anxiety attack.

I do not actually believe that guys ever experience this emotion.  I guess I  hope that they do  becuase that would make girls and guys not quite so different, but deep down inside I don’t believe it.

I’m giddy and at the same time ready to be a complete bitch so as not to have my feelings hurt when I find out he just wants to get laid.

On the other hand, the sex is, I have to admit, pretty fucking good.  And even if HE was a complete idiot, which he’s not, he’s definitely hot.  So, I should just enjoy that, no?

OMG OMG OMG.

Look. If you in ANY WAY KIND OF SORT OF relate to the guests on Jerry Springer, please do not contact me (unless I’m working on some sort of thesis for a PhD).

btw, my period of depression is on the upswing… not completely over, but by now I’m aware of the process…. right now I’m feeling hermit-ish, but not at the bottom of the pit. In case you were wondering.

I really like Jerry Springer. The man. Himself. I adore how reasonable he is with the guests on his show and, IMHO, seems not to judge them, for the most part.

But, I do NOT understand the guests. I don’t think I’m judging them when I say that I can’t relate to them, am I? Ok, I admit that I have flashes of thoughts that tell me I’m “better” than they are, but my conscious brain yells at me whenever that happens. I really really really think that there’s just something different in the way “those people” (sorry that that could be an offensive phrase; just not sure what else to say) and I, or people I think of as like me, think and view the world.

Have I mentioned before how much I’m obsessed with the Myers-Briggs personality Type test? MBTI? Well, I am. And I’m sure that has something to do what what I’m talking about here.

I just don’t get it. Them.

OTOH, in a weird way, it makes me not feel so bad about being such a weirdo myself. lol. I *know* others, a lot of others, think I’m a bit odd. That they don’t “get” me. The thing is that I still watch Jerry. I want to TRY to “get” them. I hope that maybe some of “them” want to “get” me, too. And that’s a teensy tiny bit of why I write what I do online. It’s a bigger part that I want people who are already like me to see that there’s others out there like them. (Geesh, that’s a run-on sentence… hopefully makes sense anyway.) But that other part is good, too.

Now I’m on a roll… turning into a longer post than I’d intended.

There are some issues that I don’t really want to try to understand the other side to. To take an extreme example… evangelicals. I can logically admit that they *might* be right. But, I already know that I’m not interested in trying to be convinced. It’s almost like a physical reaction. I think the analogy of allergies is overused, but appropriate here. I have no problem with evangelicals believing what they do, but leave me out of it. (Yeah, yeah, that kind of goes against the actual definition of evangelicalism. So sue me.)

I also feel the same way, for the most part, but not as strongly, about Republicans. I am a Democrat. I could probably be swayed by an Independent party. I. Hate. George. W. Bush. Period.

I watched one episode of the tv show Brothers and Sisters. (I’m not a real big tv watcher.) It was an episode where Calista Flockhart’s character thought she was pregnant. She spent part of the day *trying* to tell her b/f, Rob Lowe’s character, that she was pregnant, but didn’t get the chance cuz he was so busy running for office. When he finally came home for the day, he was all pissed off because the people working for him had figured out that was what she was trying to tell him and why didn’t she tell him first. He was being a complete ass. So, I said, you know what I learned from this episode? Never fuck a Republican!!! (It’s funnier, I think, if you’d seen the episode, but I didn’t want to type out all the idiosyncrasies of the characters and the episode here.)

I just can’t have a relationship with someone who isn’t as excited about Obama as I am. Once upon a time I liked Clinton. That changed. Even when I liked them both, I liked Obama *better*, though. And don’t get me started on McCain. However. I hope no one who reads this blog is taking offense at this. If you support McCain, or even hate Obama, I’m all for you doing what you think is best. Actively campaigning or just voting. Even having an intense discussion with me! I *like* talking to people that have different views than I do (as long as it doesn’t devolve into name calling and such.) But to have a relationship? And to me, even an ongoing fuck and run is still a relationship. Can’t do it. Can’t say that it makes logical sense. But, it’s just the way it is. **sigh** There are more than a few guys I’ve met in my lifetime that had this going against them. For some of them, this was, really, the *only* thing going against them. And I can’t get over it. It’s like instant anti-viagra. (except for me being a chick and all.)

Wow. Who knew Jerry could inspire this much blabbling?

I do respect and admire that guy. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Mostly.

Quick post (or I think it will be).

Years ago, I had a crush, not even a full crush, just a physical attraction really, to a guy I went to school with. I was pretty sure he didn’t notice me at all, so I didn’t really have any hopes. I just liked looking.

I saw the movie Traffic and noticed that one of the characters, to me, looked a lot like my crush. The character Carlos, the drug dealer who gets arrested. Looking back it’s really only a faint resemblance, though I’ve seen the movie since then and it still reminds me of him anyway. (The crush later did become my boyfriend… one of the few guys I can really say I was in love with, but that’s another story.)

So, tonight I’m watching Scarface. Yes, for the first time. And wow, there’s this really hot guy in it. No, not Pacino. The other guy. So, I looked him up on IMDB thinking maybe he’s been in other stuff I can watch and drool over him in. OMG, he played Carlo in Traffic.

This is the kind of thing that just tickles me. Probably seems like nothing to others, and I guess it is nothing. But I love weird stuff like that.

And South American guys, I guess!

Back to drooling…

Ok, granted, he had an advantage in that he actually IS a model. I think.

I had a great date a while ago that I meant to blog about, but just didn’t get around to. Drop. Dead. Gorgeous.

Look, I *know* I’m obsessed, probably unhealthily, about looks. Eh, I already have the libido of a guy, I might as well be stereotypically looks oriented too!

This has nothing to do with this post: I got a 2nd degree burn on my lip. Damn Hot Pockets. It hurts and it’s really hard to keep from licking and biting it.

Annnnnnyway.

We met at a wine bar. He knows all this stuff about wine, which I totally admit impressed me.

It seems a bit weird to me that someone who likes modeling would move to Chicago where the main modeling opportunities are strictly catalogs… but he really does have a model’s looks.

Fast forward… seeing him just standing there naked getting dressed after a shower. Wow. Fucking wow. I think I would pay him to just walk around in front of me naked. lol. I even told him, well emailed him, that it’s almost too bad he’s straight because he would make a fabulous gay porn star! That’s how beautiful he is.

So. He’s pretty smart. And I’m ridiculously stingy with that particular compliment. The thing is, he’s smart about stuff that I’m not. Wine, music, poetry. Artistic stuff. While I’m impressed with that, I don’t really like feeling like an idiot in a way. I’m so un-knowledgeable about those kinds of things that I don’t even know what to ask.

Once again, I drank too much. I seem to always do that the *first* time I meet-up with someone. I should have that as a disclaimer in my profile. I actually was drunk enough that I can’t completely give a good description of the sex. (sorry, readers.) I only remember parts. I did come. And… wow, I’m actually embarrassed to say something on my blog… ok, I acted a bit kinky and he didn’t seem to mind. Of course, maybe he didn’t notice?

I really want to see him again. Unfortunately, he’s gotten a job that is a late-night gig and I have an early-morning job.

Hey, mister model, if you’re reading this? I actually like you. You are a very cool guy. I would have never ever met you “IRL” and actually, if I just read a description of you I might have figured we weren’t compatible. I have the feeling that I’m not what you were looking for, but I don’t feel bad about that. I really hope the best for you.

Silly romantic optimistic sex-obsessed girl that I am.

I have been fortunate in the last few weeks to have some really excellent sex. I wrote a few posts ago about one of my encounters. But there have been two more since then.

There’s a guy whose picture had me drooling. On top of that he wrote completely legible emails. lol. And then. I met him.

(Actually, it took a while. He doesn’t live in Chicago, though he says he’s moving here

– aside: isn’t that a bit sad, that I have to say he “says” he’s moving here? This site is really jading me! –

so, it took a while for us to find a time when he was here and when I was free.)

He didn’t look exactly like his picture. I mean, I recognized he was the guy I was supposed to be meeting, but I wouldn’t have recognized him if I just randomly ran into him somewhere. He was better looking in real life. Though, I’m almost completely positive that that had more to do with chemistry/personality/aura/whatever than anything else. I liked him. It was just a bonus that he was hot.

That’s a slight problem, I think, with online dating. (Or whatever you want to call it; dating is just the most convenient term.) Chemistry just doesn’t translate online. I can think someone’s completely perfect from online, but IRL it just falls flat. There’s no spark. The opposite is also true; I can meet someone IRL that I just feel a click with but I’m able to figure out that I probably wouldn’t have been attracted to them on paper, or uhm, on screen. I want both, though, you know? I want all the stuff that *matters* to me — from philosophy of life to knowing the damn difference between you’re and your — AND to feel that WOW feeling. Sorry, I’m digressing.

So, I really liked talking to this guy. Of course, the benefit of this site, as opposed to the aforementioned minus, is that I already know that he’s not going to be put off by my wanting to have sex on the first “date” and he already knows that I’m… enthusiastic… about sex. Yay! Big plus. I don’t have to worry that I’m going to freak some guy out. I assume anyone reading this pretty much isn’t judging me for my sluttiness (no, that word doesn’t bother me. It’s the tone some people say it with that’s offensive, not the word itself.) but I also assume you know guys who *would* so you can imagine what I’m talking about.

Up to the hotel room. We met in the bar of the hotel he was staying at.

I’d had too much to drink. I almost always do the first time I meet someone. Also, since this particular date happened last week and I’ve had another since then, I’m not entirely sure about sequence of events.

He was a great kisser. I’m not really a fanatic about kissing. It’s far from the most important (sexual) trait or ability of a guy I’m interested in. But, it sure is nice when he’s good at it.

He has a near perfect cock. Well, for me. I’m sure different women like different features. If you’ve been reading anything I’ve written you know I LOVE giving head. And I liked it with him, too, but I even could just give him handjobs for forever. Ok, for as long as it took for my hand to cramp. lol.

Actually, he told me I could name him by his Adult FriendFinder name here, but for some reason, I’m not really comfortable doing that. I think I’ve just trained myself to NOT do that. When I first starting writing here I wanted to always share who I was talking about and I’d have to go back through my writing to make sure I didn’t really ID anyone. If you want to out yourself, you know who, feel free. Maybe you should wait to read the entire post, though.

I rarely actually LOOK at a guy’s penis. (I much prefer the word cock, but don’t like using the same word over and over when there’s alternatives!) I like closing my eyes during sexual activity. It’s not that I don’t LIKE looking, but I have a hard time on concentrating on more than one sensation at a time. If I’m looking than I’m enjoying that and not enjoying taste, or scent, or touch. Anyway, I’m admitting that I couldn’t pick out his cock in a lineup. I prefer uncircumcised over circumcised. NOT that I’d turn down a circumcised cock! hehe. But, I just like ‘em better. I don’t pay attention to that part of a guy’s profile, though. It’s not something that would make any difference in whether or not I reply to someone’s email or meet with them. So, I didn’t know going into the meeting that he was uncut. Just another YAY!

I am not at all being linear, am I? Oh well.

We had anal sex. Quite possible the most enjoyable anal I’ve ever had, other than, or equal to, when I’m full-out-party masturbating. I do like anal. SOMETIMES. <— emphasis so that I don’t get a gazillion guys who are only interested in that! Unlike my writing, I’m not very communicative talking. Not all guys really know what to do to make anal pleasurable, let alone not UNcomfortable. He totally did. (And a quiet thank you to others on here whom I’ve had good anal with, too.)

I can’t wait to have him inside me again. Any and all orifices. And I really hope I can spend a longer period of time with him. Not necessarily in the midst of all of our blood being in the lower half of our torsos, either.

I’m trying not to get TOO worked up and giddy over him. The last time, recently, I did that, I was very disappointed. I hate that.

The sex was out of this world. I really am grateful that I’ve been able to have so many fabulous sexual experiences. But I really think I’d be (slightly) disappointed, but ok if all he wanted was to chat sometimes. I’d be a little bit more disappointed if he only wanted to fuck and didn’t want to ever chat. I’m still waiting to find out if either, or neither, is going to be the case.

Oh, and the title of this post? I, like a LOT of women, refer to guys that I meet/date/fuck by some identifying nickname. I have a few friends that I can talk about my dates with and it’s easier for them if I refer to them as so-and-so guy than by their name. Especially since I’ve met with a ridiculous number of guys named Jay. But anyway… after I left his room and got into my car and was still in that post-orgasmic haze, I actually said out loud to myself “Oh my god, I just fucked George Clooney.” So, this guy is George Clooney guy. It’s not even a physical resemblance. He’s got the charm of GC. I don’t think he has a pet pig, though. Come to think of it, we didn’t talk about pets, so I don’t really know that for sure.

Crushes are only fun for, oh, a day. Or two. Then owwwww, painful.

Here’s my reality. I’ve got about four guys “in” my life. This whole internet dating thing is… well, it’s a lot more complicated than the normal dating that one learns about on tv/ in movies / in books!

Except for one of the four guys, I’m not sure that any of *them* would consider *themselves* to be “in” my life. There’s a possibility that each one of them reads this blog, too, but I’m not positive about that either.

So, that makes my blogging about my crush touchy. If all 4 of the guys read this and see that I have a crush on one of them, some of them might be glad to think it’s them, some not. ARrrrrrgh.

Anyway, that’s just an intro/background info.

I just need to get it out that I’m crushing. It’s really a reminder about how it’s really the in person, face to face meeting that determines whether two people are going to connect or not. I could get along perfectly with someone and yet… if there’s not that chemistry, there’s really no point, is there?

I feel like people, a lot of people, think that chemistry thing is just a myth. But, when you meet someone and WOW can’t stop thinking about them and get all fluttery. It’s like the slight lift in mood coffee can give you. But then, too much, and you get all jittery.

If I knew he felt the same way than the giddiness would last a lot longer. I’ve experienced that before, too. But, of course, in this state it’s impossible to not read too much into everything even if your logical brain says not to. So, I’m going nuts because I’m reading into the so-called signs that he’s just-not-into-me. Or maybe I’m wrong. I keep going back and forth. Highs and lows.

Then there’s the other guys. Every one of them knows that I see other guys. That I’m still on this site and others.

Once more, I’ve lost what my point was really going to be for this blog. Maybe I shouldn’t watch tv while blogging. lol.

I need a daisy. *pluck a petal* He likes me. *pluck a petal* he likes me not.

Arrrrrrrrrghhhhhh.

Hate this feeling.

My attraction to men older than me and to men younger than me are quite different. I’ve been thinking about this because online I’m primarily, by far, attracted to younger guys or guys very near my age.

I forget easily that I’m as old as I am. I know I look younger than my age. Also, I’ve never been married, have no children, and don’t own my own property. I have a “younger” lifestyle than most women my age.

I’m involved in various groups and activities, mostly professional, where I meet men who are usually older than I am — my guess is by 10 years or more. There are many of them whom I would definitely be interested in if they were in me. Most of them seem to be married and *not* interested and I’m ok with that, too. I’m not actively crushing on any of them. I’m also sure that if these exact same men contacted me online, I’d find it (and them) creepy.

It’s possible I’d find it creepy if they approached me in real life, too, I’m not sure. OTOH, I’m not usually impressed with guys much younger than me when I encounter them in real life. (If they’re particularly hot, I do find them attractive, but I’m not interested in any interactikon with them… usually.)

Online it’s definitely by far (though not without exception) the younger guys I’m interested in.

So, what does this all mean? Mmmm, I dunno.

AdultFriendFinder is not a fair, equal opportunity playing field. Basic supply and demand economics gives women a strong advantage. I’m fairly unremarkable in real life, but here, my age, weight, and willingness to post photos puts me in a much higher class of desirability.

There’s a discord between who’s in my “league” here and in real life. I’m having trouble reconciling it.

All this writing is just part of my trying to work through an issue that’s been churning up internal conflict in me.

‘m much more prone to typing and posting when I’m tipsy. FYI, pomegranate juice and Malibu rum make a fantastic drink.

Why didn’t anyone tell me that the race car driver guy on Dancing with the Stars is BRAZILIAN??? Dammit. Like I don’t find the guys on this show hot enough already.

*Speaking* of my ex (who is Brazilian), he’s trying to fix me up with a friend of his who used to have an Adult FriendFinder profile. Now, I’ve seen this guy’s pictures and he’s fairly hot and so far I like what I know about him, but… c’mon… isn’t it a little weird to have your ex fix you up? Ok, I’m over it.

I had a date — no euphemism there — with a guy I’ve run into both here and on PG sites. Since it was a PG date, I don’t think there’s much anyone would be interested in hearing about. Just an update, that’s all. I like him, felt comfortable talking with him… but I have a mental issue with his age. He’s only 41. (He reads this blog, too, but, I already told him that.) The thing is, my dad died when he was 42. Now that was a long time ago, but in my head he’s *still* 42. So around that age, to me, is the age of my father. I know, that doesn’t really make sense, but there it is. I do think that being conscious of it helps.

Then there’s this other guy I met through Adult FriendFinder whom I’m a tiny bit gaga over. The few times someone’s been gaga over ME, that’s made me a little uncomfortable, so I worry that’s the case here, too, for him. I’ve met up with him 3 times over the last 2 years. He’s really amazing sex-wise. The last time we got together was just amazing. (Yes, I realize I just used that word twice.) It wasn’t until weeks later, though, that I really realized that he followed almost every single thing in my Cheatsheet … post. Sometimes I can tell guys are doing something because they know I like it. It’s great, don’t get me wrong, but I can tell they’re acting in a way. Not with this guy… like I said, it took me weeks to get that a-ha! moment. And that makes it even more great. For some reason, he’s not interested in more than occasionally hooking up when he’s horny, though. What the hell? If it’s so good, physically, I shouldn’t complain!!!

Ok, I’m done. For now.

I need to write more often, don’t I?  Thinking about whether or not people who read this will find what I write about stops me sometimes.  Which is dumb since *mostly* I’m writing to myself.  Writing clarifies my thoughts.  Or something.  But my thoughts aren’t necessarily interesting to anyone other than me.

My activity level on AFF is rising again.  Sometimes I stop spending much time on AFF because it’s such a time sucker. I log on and before I know it HOURS have passed!

Even though my profile is detailed, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for.  One night stands aren’t enough.  NSA seems to mean being treated like a prostitute or call girl — made to order, do your job and then goodbye.  FWB means let’s have sex until I find a “real” girlfriend.

I want a really close good friend who also turns me on and finds me hot.  Who shares at least some of my kinks.  And would occasionally indulge the others.  (Just as I would theirs, btw.  Okay, with a few, but VERY few exceptions.)

I don’t click with a lot of people in my day-to-day life so it shouldn’t be surprising that finding someone who is both a friend-match and a sex-match is a tad difficult.

I’m acftually writing this in a notebook while sitting outside a Starbucks.  It’s a gorgeous day out.  Drinking coffee and spilling my brain out on paper.  Which will be typed online later.  No, no edits.  My blog post are pretty much all first-draft.

Random thoughts are going through my head that I’m NOT writing down because I’m afraid people reading this would go WTF?  Where did *that* come from?  Ok, so now that I’ve explained that, maybe I’ll be more likely to write them… like…

Do beautiful people know that they’re beautiful?  Do ugly people know that they’re ugly?

A lot of times I want to improve people.  Wait, that sounds judgmental.  I mean it in a totally helpful way.  Even guys that I’m interested in, but who are not interested in me… I end up volunteering to help them get together with some girl they *are* interested in.

ARGH!  I’m being interrupted.  There’s this guy who asked if he could sit at my table.  Sure, all the other tables and chairs are filled and I’m sitting alone writing.  He won’t stop talking to me.  Asking me questions which I’m politely avoiding answering when they’re personal.  He’s telling me that he’s been searching for a girlfriend for three years… yeah?  I wonder why.

*****I got a phone call on my cell and he STILL didn’t get the hint and just kept on talking to me afterwards.  I left.*****

Ok, so why do I get hit on by people I have NO interest in whatsoever? Every convenience store clerk.  Parking attendants.  Guys like the one at Starbucks who just have no social skills.  Why don’t guys I might LIKE ever hit one me?  Seriously.  I’m asking, not trying to whine.  (Oh, and I really don’t mean to say that there’s something intrinsically wrong with people who work in convenience stores or parking garages… I’m just digging myself into a hole here, aren’t I?  Damn.)

Alright, I’m going to be embarrassingly honest about what I’m really wondering.  Do those guys just hit on *every* girl or do they just focus on girls who give off some sort of signal that they might be amenable?  Am I crazy to think that I’m out of these particular guys’ league?  (Yes, I might be *conceited* to think that… but am I crazy, too?)

What the hell are you doing reading all the way to the end of this long post?  Go do something productive! 

Recently I’ve been interested in men’s bodies.  I know… what?  Just recently?  Right?  Well, yeah.  LOOKING at them.  Really hot guys.  Chiseled.  Smooth.  Usually young.  I want one of those!

I want to feel those biceps.  With my hands.  And feel them around me.  Strong hands on me.  I want to put my mouth on hard thighs and a tight ass.  I want to plant myself on top of him with my hands flat on a perfect chest and feel the strong abs between my legs.

I just watched the new Harry Potter movie and was busy fantasizing about Hogwarts students!!!  That’s just wrong.

Obviously, I need to get laid.

Preferably by a hottie.