Another Sex Blog

I know how Angelina gets her lips. The poufy poochie lips. Hmmm… I don’t think either of those adjectives are real words. Anyway…

Lots of blowjobs.

Sometimes I get a bit too into giving head and don’t notice what I’m doing to my *own* head. Inside my upper lip is all teeth-indented. Of course, I can’t keep from running my tongue over it which is probably just irritating it and it’s definitely making my lip even more poufy-looking.

Ow.

It was worth it though.

Details later. Maybe. Gotta nap now though.

Ok, granted, he had an advantage in that he actually IS a model. I think.

I had a great date a while ago that I meant to blog about, but just didn’t get around to. Drop. Dead. Gorgeous.

Look, I *know* I’m obsessed, probably unhealthily, about looks. Eh, I already have the libido of a guy, I might as well be stereotypically looks oriented too!

This has nothing to do with this post: I got a 2nd degree burn on my lip. Damn Hot Pockets. It hurts and it’s really hard to keep from licking and biting it.

Annnnnnyway.

We met at a wine bar. He knows all this stuff about wine, which I totally admit impressed me.

It seems a bit weird to me that someone who likes modeling would move to Chicago where the main modeling opportunities are strictly catalogs… but he really does have a model’s looks.

Fast forward… seeing him just standing there naked getting dressed after a shower. Wow. Fucking wow. I think I would pay him to just walk around in front of me naked. lol. I even told him, well emailed him, that it’s almost too bad he’s straight because he would make a fabulous gay porn star! That’s how beautiful he is.

So. He’s pretty smart. And I’m ridiculously stingy with that particular compliment. The thing is, he’s smart about stuff that I’m not. Wine, music, poetry. Artistic stuff. While I’m impressed with that, I don’t really like feeling like an idiot in a way. I’m so un-knowledgeable about those kinds of things that I don’t even know what to ask.

Once again, I drank too much. I seem to always do that the *first* time I meet-up with someone. I should have that as a disclaimer in my profile. I actually was drunk enough that I can’t completely give a good description of the sex. (sorry, readers.) I only remember parts. I did come. And… wow, I’m actually embarrassed to say something on my blog… ok, I acted a bit kinky and he didn’t seem to mind. Of course, maybe he didn’t notice?

I really want to see him again. Unfortunately, he’s gotten a job that is a late-night gig and I have an early-morning job.

Hey, mister model, if you’re reading this? I actually like you. You are a very cool guy. I would have never ever met you “IRL” and actually, if I just read a description of you I might have figured we weren’t compatible. I have the feeling that I’m not what you were looking for, but I don’t feel bad about that. I really hope the best for you.

Silly romantic optimistic sex-obsessed girl that I am.

I have been fortunate in the last few weeks to have some really excellent sex. I wrote a few posts ago about one of my encounters. But there have been two more since then.

There’s a guy whose picture had me drooling. On top of that he wrote completely legible emails. lol. And then. I met him.

(Actually, it took a while. He doesn’t live in Chicago, though he says he’s moving here

– aside: isn’t that a bit sad, that I have to say he “says” he’s moving here? This site is really jading me! –

so, it took a while for us to find a time when he was here and when I was free.)

He didn’t look exactly like his picture. I mean, I recognized he was the guy I was supposed to be meeting, but I wouldn’t have recognized him if I just randomly ran into him somewhere. He was better looking in real life. Though, I’m almost completely positive that that had more to do with chemistry/personality/aura/whatever than anything else. I liked him. It was just a bonus that he was hot.

That’s a slight problem, I think, with online dating. (Or whatever you want to call it; dating is just the most convenient term.) Chemistry just doesn’t translate online. I can think someone’s completely perfect from online, but IRL it just falls flat. There’s no spark. The opposite is also true; I can meet someone IRL that I just feel a click with but I’m able to figure out that I probably wouldn’t have been attracted to them on paper, or uhm, on screen. I want both, though, you know? I want all the stuff that *matters* to me — from philosophy of life to knowing the damn difference between you’re and your — AND to feel that WOW feeling. Sorry, I’m digressing.

So, I really liked talking to this guy. Of course, the benefit of this site, as opposed to the aforementioned minus, is that I already know that he’s not going to be put off by my wanting to have sex on the first “date” and he already knows that I’m… enthusiastic… about sex. Yay! Big plus. I don’t have to worry that I’m going to freak some guy out. I assume anyone reading this pretty much isn’t judging me for my sluttiness (no, that word doesn’t bother me. It’s the tone some people say it with that’s offensive, not the word itself.) but I also assume you know guys who *would* so you can imagine what I’m talking about.

Up to the hotel room. We met in the bar of the hotel he was staying at.

I’d had too much to drink. I almost always do the first time I meet someone. Also, since this particular date happened last week and I’ve had another since then, I’m not entirely sure about sequence of events.

He was a great kisser. I’m not really a fanatic about kissing. It’s far from the most important (sexual) trait or ability of a guy I’m interested in. But, it sure is nice when he’s good at it.

He has a near perfect cock. Well, for me. I’m sure different women like different features. If you’ve been reading anything I’ve written you know I LOVE giving head. And I liked it with him, too, but I even could just give him handjobs for forever. Ok, for as long as it took for my hand to cramp. lol.

Actually, he told me I could name him by his Adult FriendFinder name here, but for some reason, I’m not really comfortable doing that. I think I’ve just trained myself to NOT do that. When I first starting writing here I wanted to always share who I was talking about and I’d have to go back through my writing to make sure I didn’t really ID anyone. If you want to out yourself, you know who, feel free. Maybe you should wait to read the entire post, though.

I rarely actually LOOK at a guy’s penis. (I much prefer the word cock, but don’t like using the same word over and over when there’s alternatives!) I like closing my eyes during sexual activity. It’s not that I don’t LIKE looking, but I have a hard time on concentrating on more than one sensation at a time. If I’m looking than I’m enjoying that and not enjoying taste, or scent, or touch. Anyway, I’m admitting that I couldn’t pick out his cock in a lineup. I prefer uncircumcised over circumcised. NOT that I’d turn down a circumcised cock! hehe. But, I just like ‘em better. I don’t pay attention to that part of a guy’s profile, though. It’s not something that would make any difference in whether or not I reply to someone’s email or meet with them. So, I didn’t know going into the meeting that he was uncut. Just another YAY!

I am not at all being linear, am I? Oh well.

We had anal sex. Quite possible the most enjoyable anal I’ve ever had, other than, or equal to, when I’m full-out-party masturbating. I do like anal. SOMETIMES. <— emphasis so that I don’t get a gazillion guys who are only interested in that! Unlike my writing, I’m not very communicative talking. Not all guys really know what to do to make anal pleasurable, let alone not UNcomfortable. He totally did. (And a quiet thank you to others on here whom I’ve had good anal with, too.)

I can’t wait to have him inside me again. Any and all orifices. And I really hope I can spend a longer period of time with him. Not necessarily in the midst of all of our blood being in the lower half of our torsos, either.

I’m trying not to get TOO worked up and giddy over him. The last time, recently, I did that, I was very disappointed. I hate that.

The sex was out of this world. I really am grateful that I’ve been able to have so many fabulous sexual experiences. But I really think I’d be (slightly) disappointed, but ok if all he wanted was to chat sometimes. I’d be a little bit more disappointed if he only wanted to fuck and didn’t want to ever chat. I’m still waiting to find out if either, or neither, is going to be the case.

Oh, and the title of this post? I, like a LOT of women, refer to guys that I meet/date/fuck by some identifying nickname. I have a few friends that I can talk about my dates with and it’s easier for them if I refer to them as so-and-so guy than by their name. Especially since I’ve met with a ridiculous number of guys named Jay. But anyway… after I left his room and got into my car and was still in that post-orgasmic haze, I actually said out loud to myself “Oh my god, I just fucked George Clooney.” So, this guy is George Clooney guy. It’s not even a physical resemblance. He’s got the charm of GC. I don’t think he has a pet pig, though. Come to think of it, we didn’t talk about pets, so I don’t really know that for sure.

4 1/2 times. That’s how often I’ve had guys cancel their plans with me this past week.

The 1/2 is because one was actually a guy who was supposed to get back to me about making plans for this week and didn’t.

On the other hand, I had one last-minute surprise rendez-vous that was *very* satisfying.

Eh, it’s amazing how timing is so influential in this kind of thing. Even in who I decide to email back from emails I get on AFF. A *huge* factor is my mood when I’m reading the emails, if I’ve gotten a lot of similar emails in a row, or if I haven’t. It feels very random sometimes. So, maybe it’s not really fair for the fourth guy who cancelled, but the fact that 3 (and a half) had done the same in the previous seven days makes my reaction different than it would be at a different time.

I’ve been lackadaisical recently because I’ve got a full plate. But, I’m thinking I need to knock these guys off rotation. Don’t you think so? Time to make room for some newbies.

Last night I met up with someone I’d met with, via AdultFriendFinder, approximately 2 years ago. ( See Thank you and I’m sorry for what I wrote about the experience then. )

We met at the hotel he was staying at. I got there early, not being sure how traffic or parking would be, so I sat at the bar with a magazine. Which in itself was fun. The bartender was friendly and the drink was great. I didn’t feel at all odd being a woman alone sitting and reading. I read online that that bar is a popular after work place to go; maybe I’ll make my way there sometime.

Anyway, we found that the hotel’s restaurant was closed so we got the concierge to get us into another restaurant… I didn’t find out until today that it’s really difficult to get reservations for the place we ended up going. The food was great. We were seated in a bar area, instead of “regular” tables, but the atmosphere was perfect for catching up/ intimate conversation. I kind of wish that I didn’t feel so reluctant to give out details — otherwise I’d recommend the restaurant to other Chicagoans. Also, now I know that if there’s some restaurant I really want to try I should walk into a snazzy hotel and get the concierge to call for me!

Back to the hotel and down to business. lol.

I completely lost track of how many times I came. It was a lot. There wasn’t one touch he gave me that wasn’t pleasurable.

I’ve had a full-body massage once. It was ok. Not anywhere near the bliss that I’ve heard others describe a massage as being. THIS was like that, though. I could go into detail of what happened first, what came next, etc… but I feel like there’s no way I could really get across what it was like.

His real talent, I believe, lies in being able to read my body language and reactions. I assume he can do this with other women as well. But there’s an additional key to this… there’s something about him that makes me trust him enough to have my reactions by honest. I hold back sometimes with other guys for fear of being judged somehow. I’d love to learn how he learned all that. If he even knows.

Thanks for another fabulous experience. I really needed it, too.

Is it possible to have a bad mood virus??? If so, I swear I caught it last week and it’s just now fading away.

I was super emotional for a lot of last week. I started tearing up reading one of the PostSecret books. (If you haven’t visited that site or read any of the books… please do. They’re great. They probably won’t make you cry. lol.) I started crying over some commercial. I can’t even remember which one it was, but it was NOT supposed to be a tearjerker even. I can’t even blame it all on PMS. It was just weird.

My last post on Saturday was a result of being in a bad mood to begin with and then being blown off by someone I thought I had plans with. And encountering some rude people while I was out. And also dropping my purse in a huge puddle so that everything got soaked. My wallet is a mesh envelope, so all my money was soggy. And my notebook that I carry with me that I use for everything from quick notes to journal entries. All of that together made me a pretty miserable person.

That in turn made me come across, I’m pretty sure, to the blower-offer as a completely insane psycho stalker. It’s too hard to explain without giving details that would make either one of us identifiable; sorry to be so cryptic. *sigh*

I’m still feeling down on myself. On the other hand, some of the stuff that was in my purse is still damp. Maybe there’s a connection.

I have, sometimes, very strong emotions. Luckily they also seem to pass rather quickly. I’m able to say to myself, “Ok, I feel like shit and like my life is shit, but just calm down, in a day or two I’ll feel differently.” You’d think that knowing that things will seem different in a few days would speed up the process, but it doesn’t. It seems to take some time for the messages from my head to travel to my heart. (That sounds so sappy and by “heart”, I don’t mean to imply this has to do with my love life… just emotional life.)

Oh, and I’m definitely addicted to AFF. There’s no question. I had my profile turned off for only approximately 24 hours before I just had to turn it back on. Is there a support group out there somewhere?

I’ve written once before about being recognized here Adult FriendFinder by someone I know IRL.

(totally unrelated aside: Again, I’m blogging while watching tv… why do I think it’s kind of hot when a guy gets all worked up and pissed off during an encounter with an ex-wife. Just on tv. Never actually had the experience otherwise. Weird.)

I don’t really mind if someone I know sees me on here and recognizes me. I mean, first of all, most people that know me wouldn’t be surprised by it at all. Second, how judgmental could they BE? They’re on AFF, too!

I’ve been a little more worried about someone seeing me on the street, in a store, in a restaurant, etc., and realizing that I’m [username on AFF]. I’ve thought about how I’d react if someone approached me. I can be sure of how I’d really react, but I think if the person was polite, respectful, nice, I’d be kind of flattered that my profile had stuck in their mind enough for them to recognize me. So, what I’m really worried about (”really” meaning “truthfuly”, not “very”) is someone being NOT respectful. Being rude. Basically being presumptuous. Lol. Actually, I’m pretty sure I know how I’d react to that, too, but I’ll keep that my own little secret.

What has happened recently, more than once, is my being recognized as [username on AFF] on other sites where I have a presence under another username.

So. I’ve had people contact me on these other sites saying they’ve realized I’m [username on AFF]. I’ve also had emails sent to me on my so-called throwaway email address I have that’s related to my name there. That one really amazes me. I only check that email once a month or less. It’s like a junk email address for me. It’s *not* the one I give out to people there if we ever get to the point of off-Adult FriendFinder communication. So, I can only assume that those emails (there’s been about four, I think) are sent by guys who don’t have a paid membership there and are trying to find a way to email me for free.

That’s kind of a pet peeve of mine. I am so completely not a gold-digger. I don’t care at all about how much money a guy makes. Except if it’s way way more than me… that actually makes me uncomfortable. BUT. I’m a girl — I could get emails on there without paying. I’m a *librarian*; I’m not swimming in expendable income. I have a paying membership there because I’m serious about it. Ok, sorry, end of rant.

I’m not sure how I feel about this kind of recognition. There’s no strong feeling about it, positive or negative. For the record, the people who have contacted me in one of these other ways have been of the first sort that I mentioned above — polite, nice, flattering. And that really is how the vast majority of contact I’ve had have been, btw. All the complaints that you hear from women about the guys who are assholes doesn’t mean that the *majority* of guys are like that. It’s just that there too many that are.

If you’ve read my last post, here’s an update. I’ve been expecting to hear from the guy who I have a crush on and haven’t. I’m pretty sure I’m being blown off at this point. I’ve already decided that if our not-definite plan to meet up tonight doesn’t come to fruition, I’m still going to get all gussied up like I was looking forward to. I’m going out to some swanky restaurant or bar. And I’m gonna flirt like hell.

So, if you see me out there tonight and recognize me. Be nice, ok?

Crushes are only fun for, oh, a day. Or two. Then owwwww, painful.

Here’s my reality. I’ve got about four guys “in” my life. This whole internet dating thing is… well, it’s a lot more complicated than the normal dating that one learns about on tv/ in movies / in books!

Except for one of the four guys, I’m not sure that any of *them* would consider *themselves* to be “in” my life. There’s a possibility that each one of them reads this blog, too, but I’m not positive about that either.

So, that makes my blogging about my crush touchy. If all 4 of the guys read this and see that I have a crush on one of them, some of them might be glad to think it’s them, some not. ARrrrrrgh.

Anyway, that’s just an intro/background info.

I just need to get it out that I’m crushing. It’s really a reminder about how it’s really the in person, face to face meeting that determines whether two people are going to connect or not. I could get along perfectly with someone and yet… if there’s not that chemistry, there’s really no point, is there?

I feel like people, a lot of people, think that chemistry thing is just a myth. But, when you meet someone and WOW can’t stop thinking about them and get all fluttery. It’s like the slight lift in mood coffee can give you. But then, too much, and you get all jittery.

If I knew he felt the same way than the giddiness would last a lot longer. I’ve experienced that before, too. But, of course, in this state it’s impossible to not read too much into everything even if your logical brain says not to. So, I’m going nuts because I’m reading into the so-called signs that he’s just-not-into-me. Or maybe I’m wrong. I keep going back and forth. Highs and lows.

Then there’s the other guys. Every one of them knows that I see other guys. That I’m still on this site and others.

Once more, I’ve lost what my point was really going to be for this blog. Maybe I shouldn’t watch tv while blogging. lol.

I need a daisy. *pluck a petal* He likes me. *pluck a petal* he likes me not.

Arrrrrrrrrghhhhhh.

Hate this feeling.

This is a question I posted on AdultFriendFinder recently:

So, I often go out by myself. I go to restaurants alone. I
go to movies alone. I go shopping alone. I’m totally
comfortable being alone.

But what about going to a bar? Is it really weird to see a woman
alone at a bar?

Also, any suggestions for bars (or restaurants with bars)
in the Chicagoland area where a single woman could go alone,
people watch, and not be either in danger or seem like a complete
weirdo?

Thanks for any input.

Wow, some of the responses.  Geesh.  A lot of them were warning me about the danger of going out alone as a woman.  Some people included going to restaurants or movies alone along with that.  WTF?  I go LOTS of place all by my lonesome.  There are really people who are afraid to do that?

Second, I’m not some naive bumpkin.  Yes, I realize there *are* dangers out there, but I’m not an idiot.  Argh.  Anyway, that wasn’t at all what my question was about.  I’m just irritated by some of the responses I got.

I did get a few helpful answers.  Upscale hotel bars.  Restaurants with bars.

Thinking about trying it tonight.

I swear, this post started out as very thoughtful, witty, insightful prose on my state of mind as regards to men and my experiences with them regarding relationships that has influenced my feelings, thoughts, and opinions on that topic.

After a long drive home in crappy weather, though, it has de-evolved to this:

Boys suck.

Oh, and to top that thought off, I got a fabulous email earlier from someone on AFF telling me “glad i didnt meet. ur fat n ugly.” As I am obviously neither, nor did I *ever* correspond with this person, I informed him that somehow I had received an email from him intended for someone else. This someone wrote back to tell me “ok ur not fat but u r ugly!”

WHY does this upset me???? After 2 years on here, I should just be used to emails like that and ignore them. But, no, I have to let them get to me. Fuck.

And that has nothing even to do with why “BOYS SUCK.” Well, not directly, anyway.

I hate boys.

right now anyway.