Another Sex Blog

Not that I really really truly think anyone’s noticed, but I think this past week (or more?) has been the longest that I haven’t logged into Adult FriendFinder since I first became a paying member!  More than 2 weeks.

In the last month or so:
I’ve gotten a new perk at work that has pissed off a lot of my co-workers and therefore both pleased me and stressed me out.
I’ve fallen down a flight of stairs, scraped a significant amount of skin off of my shins, and chipped my shin bone.
For some reason my hypothyroidism is acting up and I need an increase in my meds, but can’t get a dr. appt till next month. Argh. (Kills the sex drive, too!)  Also makes me spacey (often referred to as “brain fog”) and completely wiped out.

Oh hell, there’s even more, but those are the highlights. The thyroid thing is just making everything else, good or bad, magnified. Luckily, I know (or think I know) that it’s probably fixable.

One month.

I can’t wait to be back to my old self again!

…bother? I wonder.

I like sex. I like casual sex. Why do guys feel like they have to pretend that it’s more than that and then make me feel like shit?

Is there something *wrong* with wanting just sex?

Apparently there is if one is a chick.

This time: he was from out of town. likely never gonna see him again. obviously a one time thing.

Nice “date” — meeting to find out if we were at least attracted to one another in real life.

Sex. GOOD sex. For me anyway. Can’t swear it was for him. I had multiple orgasms, though, so good for me by far.

Afterwards? He’s an ass. I don’t think it’s really necessary to go into details because this has happened other times, too, in different forms.

Why? Seriously. I just don’t understand. Why do guys feel the NEED to be an ass? I make it quite clear that I’m NOT one of the kinds of girls that is going to glom onto them just cuz we had sex (and I don’t mean to stereotype other women in saying that, but that IS a preconceived notion out there.)

I know I’m not even expressing this the way I mean to cuz I’m pissed off right now as I’m writing it. I write better when I’m more level headed.

Fuck it though.

You know?

But, yeah, now I’m looking for a relationship of some sort. Let’s call it a friends-with-benefits-with-potential.

That’s something I have in my profile. Most of the guys I’ve actually met up with IRL seem to have understood what I meant by that — so that’s good.

What’s not good, is that I’m not sure what to do when it becomes clear that there’s no longer any potential. When it just becomes clear that an LTR just ain’t gonna happen. What then?

It’s not so much of a problem when it’s pretty clear after just one meeting. It’s more difficult to break things off when it goes beyond that.

There’s one guy I’ve met via Adult FriendFinder that really IS a FWB. I know we’re never going to have a romantic relationship or even anything long term. Some day he’s going to find a “real” girlfriend and, since he doesn’t believe in open relationship or being poly, our benefits part will go away. And I’m really ok with that. With him. He’s the exception.

Because I *am* looking for an LTR. But only if it’s right. I’m much happier being “single” than being in a relationship JUST to be in a relationship. (Look up “quirkyalone” for a much better description of that than I can explain.)

So, anyway, when it becomes clear to me that I just can’t see myself in a deeper relationship with someone I’ve met, I don’t see the point in continuing things. lol. I haven’t come across sex that’s *THAT* good yet, anyway. And while it’s NOT true in the real world that any woman can get laid any time she wants (a topic for another post sometime), it IS true here on Adult FriendFinder. So, it’s not like I’d keep seeing someone just because it might be my only chance for sex.

In one case when this happened — no, two cases — neither of us contacted the other again. This was after multiple meetings. It wasn’t even like we had a fight or disagreement. It just stopped.

Right now I have more than one… argh, what do I even call it?… friendships with benefits withOUT potential that I need to cut off. Even though they probably feel the same way, at least that’s been my experience so far, it makes for an uncomfortable feeling.

I feel like I might hurt their feelings. I’m afraid they’ll think that’s awfully egotistical of me to think that it would matter to them.

I’m sure it seems absurd to some here that I’m hoping for a so-called REAL relationship (though not traditional by any means).

I am, though. I can’t spend my friday and saturday nights with people who I *know* I won’t want to be hanging out with a year from now.

Just venting. Thanks for listening. As Always.

I’m right in the middle of a major bout of depression. I do take anti-depressants (actually, go see some of my very first posts explaining how the one I’m on led to me being here…), but antidepressants do NOT, like people think, just make you happy all the time. They do make it so that I’m not depressed ALL the time, and when a bout comes on, I’m able to be aware of the fact that it’s temporary.

I know there are probably people who think, oh, so she gets depressed, must have low self-esteem, that must be why she “acts out” sexually. No. The opposite, is closer to the truth. It’s when I’m happy and feeling good about myself that I’m most active on AFF. I’m really writing and explaining this on this blog just to kind of announce that I’m gonna be pretty INactive on here for a while… til it passes.

I realized I was trying to stay absolutely still. Barely breathing. Not twitching. Just. Still.

I was holding back from cumming. Staying right on the edge of it.

If I reacted TOO much then he might stop. It’s not that I had any reason, really, to think that, but I did.

I think that, in my experience, when I start really reacting to something, the guy assumes I’m ready for something else. Usually fucking. And stops doing whatever was driving me wild.

I can’t describe exactly what he was doing because when I’m that much in pleasurality (yes, I did just make up that word) I can’t focus on such details. My nipples were in his mouth. I think his fingers may have been playing with my clit. Yes, I know they were because at one point I did make a comment that it was like there was an electrical connection between my nipple and my clit. His response to that was “No.” I have no idea what that meant, but it wasn’t about to ask at the time.

I swear, I’m getting turned on again thinking about how good it felt.

I was just SO afraid it would STOP.

I really do have a very difficult time *accepting* pleasure. I adore giving it. I can, as I’ve mentioned before in this blog, CUM while sucking cock.

I once dated a guy who would get super turned on and almost cum by eating me out. That was the only way I could relax and enjoy it.

I need to find someone who will get that way while playing with or sucking on my nipples. THAT would truly be Nirvana.

But, this recent experience was pretty close.

I think my profile makes it fairly clear that I like being somewhat submissive. I like being told what to do. I like feeling that I’m used and giving my partner pleasure.

But, that doesn’t mean I’m selfless. (Is that the absence of selfishness?) I like being submissive because it makes me feel good.

I like direct pleasure, too, though.

Friday night I went out with a really great guy. Really great. I mean, even if I just met him somewhere “normal” and, hell, he was totally unavailable. Married. Or gay. I would still love to talk with him.

Forget pampered sub. My nipples were pampered. My nipples were very very happy. I love just being caressed and groped. Most of the time, when a guy starts just playing with my nipples, it means “hey, lets go have sex.” And as soon as I start reacting to it, the attention much stops.

So, it was just that much more pleasurable to be pleasured and not feel like it was *only* an invitation to sex. Well, to be honest, I did still feel like that, but mostly because that’s always been my experience. Not because of anything he said or did.

I really hope to see him again.

I MEAN it! No more. I really really need to put that in my profile somewhere. And it never occurs to me to ask before meeting up with someone…

I just have to stop meeting men who own cats.

I’m *horribly* allergic to them. They make me cry. Literally.

Stupid. Dumb. Evil evil evil. Cats.

OTOH, one of my favorite Adult FriendFinder encounters *was* with a guy who had a cat… actually, I even liked his cat. I liked the sex enough (and the cat’s personality enough) that I returned to his place even after the cat once decided to wake me up by sitting on my face.

So, maybe I should just make sure that from now on I always carry Claritin in my purse. Kind of like I always have condoms in there, too. Just in case.

I know how Angelina gets her lips. The poufy poochie lips. Hmmm… I don’t think either of those adjectives are real words. Anyway…

Lots of blowjobs.

Sometimes I get a bit too into giving head and don’t notice what I’m doing to my *own* head. Inside my upper lip is all teeth-indented. Of course, I can’t keep from running my tongue over it which is probably just irritating it and it’s definitely making my lip even more poufy-looking.

Ow.

It was worth it though.

Details later. Maybe. Gotta nap now though.

Ok, granted, he had an advantage in that he actually IS a model. I think.

I had a great date a while ago that I meant to blog about, but just didn’t get around to. Drop. Dead. Gorgeous.

Look, I *know* I’m obsessed, probably unhealthily, about looks. Eh, I already have the libido of a guy, I might as well be stereotypically looks oriented too!

This has nothing to do with this post: I got a 2nd degree burn on my lip. Damn Hot Pockets. It hurts and it’s really hard to keep from licking and biting it.

Annnnnnyway.

We met at a wine bar. He knows all this stuff about wine, which I totally admit impressed me.

It seems a bit weird to me that someone who likes modeling would move to Chicago where the main modeling opportunities are strictly catalogs… but he really does have a model’s looks.

Fast forward… seeing him just standing there naked getting dressed after a shower. Wow. Fucking wow. I think I would pay him to just walk around in front of me naked. lol. I even told him, well emailed him, that it’s almost too bad he’s straight because he would make a fabulous gay porn star! That’s how beautiful he is.

So. He’s pretty smart. And I’m ridiculously stingy with that particular compliment. The thing is, he’s smart about stuff that I’m not. Wine, music, poetry. Artistic stuff. While I’m impressed with that, I don’t really like feeling like an idiot in a way. I’m so un-knowledgeable about those kinds of things that I don’t even know what to ask.

Once again, I drank too much. I seem to always do that the *first* time I meet-up with someone. I should have that as a disclaimer in my profile. I actually was drunk enough that I can’t completely give a good description of the sex. (sorry, readers.) I only remember parts. I did come. And… wow, I’m actually embarrassed to say something on my blog… ok, I acted a bit kinky and he didn’t seem to mind. Of course, maybe he didn’t notice?

I really want to see him again. Unfortunately, he’s gotten a job that is a late-night gig and I have an early-morning job.

Hey, mister model, if you’re reading this? I actually like you. You are a very cool guy. I would have never ever met you “IRL” and actually, if I just read a description of you I might have figured we weren’t compatible. I have the feeling that I’m not what you were looking for, but I don’t feel bad about that. I really hope the best for you.

Silly romantic optimistic sex-obsessed girl that I am.

I have been fortunate in the last few weeks to have some really excellent sex. I wrote a few posts ago about one of my encounters. But there have been two more since then.

There’s a guy whose picture had me drooling. On top of that he wrote completely legible emails. lol. And then. I met him.

(Actually, it took a while. He doesn’t live in Chicago, though he says he’s moving here

– aside: isn’t that a bit sad, that I have to say he “says” he’s moving here? This site is really jading me! –

so, it took a while for us to find a time when he was here and when I was free.)

He didn’t look exactly like his picture. I mean, I recognized he was the guy I was supposed to be meeting, but I wouldn’t have recognized him if I just randomly ran into him somewhere. He was better looking in real life. Though, I’m almost completely positive that that had more to do with chemistry/personality/aura/whatever than anything else. I liked him. It was just a bonus that he was hot.

That’s a slight problem, I think, with online dating. (Or whatever you want to call it; dating is just the most convenient term.) Chemistry just doesn’t translate online. I can think someone’s completely perfect from online, but IRL it just falls flat. There’s no spark. The opposite is also true; I can meet someone IRL that I just feel a click with but I’m able to figure out that I probably wouldn’t have been attracted to them on paper, or uhm, on screen. I want both, though, you know? I want all the stuff that *matters* to me — from philosophy of life to knowing the damn difference between you’re and your — AND to feel that WOW feeling. Sorry, I’m digressing.

So, I really liked talking to this guy. Of course, the benefit of this site, as opposed to the aforementioned minus, is that I already know that he’s not going to be put off by my wanting to have sex on the first “date” and he already knows that I’m… enthusiastic… about sex. Yay! Big plus. I don’t have to worry that I’m going to freak some guy out. I assume anyone reading this pretty much isn’t judging me for my sluttiness (no, that word doesn’t bother me. It’s the tone some people say it with that’s offensive, not the word itself.) but I also assume you know guys who *would* so you can imagine what I’m talking about.

Up to the hotel room. We met in the bar of the hotel he was staying at.

I’d had too much to drink. I almost always do the first time I meet someone. Also, since this particular date happened last week and I’ve had another since then, I’m not entirely sure about sequence of events.

He was a great kisser. I’m not really a fanatic about kissing. It’s far from the most important (sexual) trait or ability of a guy I’m interested in. But, it sure is nice when he’s good at it.

He has a near perfect cock. Well, for me. I’m sure different women like different features. If you’ve been reading anything I’ve written you know I LOVE giving head. And I liked it with him, too, but I even could just give him handjobs for forever. Ok, for as long as it took for my hand to cramp. lol.

Actually, he told me I could name him by his Adult FriendFinder name here, but for some reason, I’m not really comfortable doing that. I think I’ve just trained myself to NOT do that. When I first starting writing here I wanted to always share who I was talking about and I’d have to go back through my writing to make sure I didn’t really ID anyone. If you want to out yourself, you know who, feel free. Maybe you should wait to read the entire post, though.

I rarely actually LOOK at a guy’s penis. (I much prefer the word cock, but don’t like using the same word over and over when there’s alternatives!) I like closing my eyes during sexual activity. It’s not that I don’t LIKE looking, but I have a hard time on concentrating on more than one sensation at a time. If I’m looking than I’m enjoying that and not enjoying taste, or scent, or touch. Anyway, I’m admitting that I couldn’t pick out his cock in a lineup. I prefer uncircumcised over circumcised. NOT that I’d turn down a circumcised cock! hehe. But, I just like ‘em better. I don’t pay attention to that part of a guy’s profile, though. It’s not something that would make any difference in whether or not I reply to someone’s email or meet with them. So, I didn’t know going into the meeting that he was uncut. Just another YAY!

I am not at all being linear, am I? Oh well.

We had anal sex. Quite possible the most enjoyable anal I’ve ever had, other than, or equal to, when I’m full-out-party masturbating. I do like anal. SOMETIMES. <— emphasis so that I don’t get a gazillion guys who are only interested in that! Unlike my writing, I’m not very communicative talking. Not all guys really know what to do to make anal pleasurable, let alone not UNcomfortable. He totally did. (And a quiet thank you to others on here whom I’ve had good anal with, too.)

I can’t wait to have him inside me again. Any and all orifices. And I really hope I can spend a longer period of time with him. Not necessarily in the midst of all of our blood being in the lower half of our torsos, either.

I’m trying not to get TOO worked up and giddy over him. The last time, recently, I did that, I was very disappointed. I hate that.

The sex was out of this world. I really am grateful that I’ve been able to have so many fabulous sexual experiences. But I really think I’d be (slightly) disappointed, but ok if all he wanted was to chat sometimes. I’d be a little bit more disappointed if he only wanted to fuck and didn’t want to ever chat. I’m still waiting to find out if either, or neither, is going to be the case.

Oh, and the title of this post? I, like a LOT of women, refer to guys that I meet/date/fuck by some identifying nickname. I have a few friends that I can talk about my dates with and it’s easier for them if I refer to them as so-and-so guy than by their name. Especially since I’ve met with a ridiculous number of guys named Jay. But anyway… after I left his room and got into my car and was still in that post-orgasmic haze, I actually said out loud to myself “Oh my god, I just fucked George Clooney.” So, this guy is George Clooney guy. It’s not even a physical resemblance. He’s got the charm of GC. I don’t think he has a pet pig, though. Come to think of it, we didn’t talk about pets, so I don’t really know that for sure.