Another Sex Blog

I’m right in the middle of a major bout of depression. I do take anti-depressants (actually, go see some of my very first posts explaining how the one I’m on led to me being here…), but antidepressants do NOT, like people think, just make you happy all the time. They do make it so that I’m not depressed ALL the time, and when a bout comes on, I’m able to be aware of the fact that it’s temporary.

I know there are probably people who think, oh, so she gets depressed, must have low self-esteem, that must be why she “acts out” sexually. No. The opposite, is closer to the truth. It’s when I’m happy and feeling good about myself that I’m most active on AFF. I’m really writing and explaining this on this blog just to kind of announce that I’m gonna be pretty INactive on here for a while… til it passes.

Over the last four or five months, I’ve gained a bunch of weight. Lots of little things/events contributed to that and I’m working at getting back to my normal size. My belly is definitely rounder.

But, OMG, my boobs!!!

That is definitely where most of my gained weight goes first. Wow. Definitely. I told my sister that I’d gained weight and she said she couldn’t really tell, but the next day we went out together and she seemed distracted. Then she said “I just can’t get over how much bigger your chest is! Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.” (Btw, she’s the one in the family that’s really stacked and we tease her about it all the time.)

Bigger belly and bigger boobs. You’d think I was pregnant. (Uhm, no, I’m NOT.)

I probably should change my profile’s body type from Slim/Petite to something like Average. Is Curvy an option? Only, I’m loathe to do that since that *seems* to equate (often, not always!) to chubby. Hey, I’m still in the healthy weight BMI range. I just can’t wear button up shirts anymore. lol.

I realized I was trying to stay absolutely still. Barely breathing. Not twitching. Just. Still.

I was holding back from cumming. Staying right on the edge of it.

If I reacted TOO much then he might stop. It’s not that I had any reason, really, to think that, but I did.

I think that, in my experience, when I start really reacting to something, the guy assumes I’m ready for something else. Usually fucking. And stops doing whatever was driving me wild.

I can’t describe exactly what he was doing because when I’m that much in pleasurality (yes, I did just make up that word) I can’t focus on such details. My nipples were in his mouth. I think his fingers may have been playing with my clit. Yes, I know they were because at one point I did make a comment that it was like there was an electrical connection between my nipple and my clit. His response to that was “No.” I have no idea what that meant, but it wasn’t about to ask at the time.

I swear, I’m getting turned on again thinking about how good it felt.

I was just SO afraid it would STOP.

I really do have a very difficult time *accepting* pleasure. I adore giving it. I can, as I’ve mentioned before in this blog, CUM while sucking cock.

I once dated a guy who would get super turned on and almost cum by eating me out. That was the only way I could relax and enjoy it.

I need to find someone who will get that way while playing with or sucking on my nipples. THAT would truly be Nirvana.

But, this recent experience was pretty close.

Quick post (or I think it will be).

Years ago, I had a crush, not even a full crush, just a physical attraction really, to a guy I went to school with. I was pretty sure he didn’t notice me at all, so I didn’t really have any hopes. I just liked looking.

I saw the movie Traffic and noticed that one of the characters, to me, looked a lot like my crush. The character Carlos, the drug dealer who gets arrested. Looking back it’s really only a faint resemblance, though I’ve seen the movie since then and it still reminds me of him anyway. (The crush later did become my boyfriend… one of the few guys I can really say I was in love with, but that’s another story.)

So, tonight I’m watching Scarface. Yes, for the first time. And wow, there’s this really hot guy in it. No, not Pacino. The other guy. So, I looked him up on IMDB thinking maybe he’s been in other stuff I can watch and drool over him in. OMG, he played Carlo in Traffic.

This is the kind of thing that just tickles me. Probably seems like nothing to others, and I guess it is nothing. But I love weird stuff like that.

And South American guys, I guess!

Back to drooling…