(Lots of) Writing about nothing
I need to write more often, don’t I? Thinking about whether or not people who read this will find what I write about stops me sometimes. Which is dumb since *mostly* I’m writing to myself. Writing clarifies my thoughts. Or something. But my thoughts aren’t necessarily interesting to anyone other than me.
My activity level on AFF is rising again. Sometimes I stop spending much time on AFF because it’s such a time sucker. I log on and before I know it HOURS have passed!
Even though my profile is detailed, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for. One night stands aren’t enough. NSA seems to mean being treated like a prostitute or call girl — made to order, do your job and then goodbye. FWB means let’s have sex until I find a “real” girlfriend.
I want a really close good friend who also turns me on and finds me hot. Who shares at least some of my kinks. And would occasionally indulge the others. (Just as I would theirs, btw. Okay, with a few, but VERY few exceptions.)
I don’t click with a lot of people in my day-to-day life so it shouldn’t be surprising that finding someone who is both a friend-match and a sex-match is a tad difficult.
I’m acftually writing this in a notebook while sitting outside a Starbucks. It’s a gorgeous day out. Drinking coffee and spilling my brain out on paper. Which will be typed online later. No, no edits. My blog post are pretty much all first-draft.
Random thoughts are going through my head that I’m NOT writing down because I’m afraid people reading this would go WTF? Where did *that* come from? Ok, so now that I’ve explained that, maybe I’ll be more likely to write them… like…
Do beautiful people know that they’re beautiful? Do ugly people know that they’re ugly?
A lot of times I want to improve people. Wait, that sounds judgmental. I mean it in a totally helpful way. Even guys that I’m interested in, but who are not interested in me… I end up volunteering to help them get together with some girl they *are* interested in.
ARGH! I’m being interrupted. There’s this guy who asked if he could sit at my table. Sure, all the other tables and chairs are filled and I’m sitting alone writing. He won’t stop talking to me. Asking me questions which I’m politely avoiding answering when they’re personal. He’s telling me that he’s been searching for a girlfriend for three years… yeah? I wonder why.
*****I got a phone call on my cell and he STILL didn’t get the hint and just kept on talking to me afterwards. I left.*****
Ok, so why do I get hit on by people I have NO interest in whatsoever? Every convenience store clerk. Parking attendants. Guys like the one at Starbucks who just have no social skills. Why don’t guys I might LIKE ever hit one me? Seriously. I’m asking, not trying to whine. (Oh, and I really don’t mean to say that there’s something intrinsically wrong with people who work in convenience stores or parking garages… I’m just digging myself into a hole here, aren’t I? Damn.)
Alright, I’m going to be embarrassingly honest about what I’m really wondering. Do those guys just hit on *every* girl or do they just focus on girls who give off some sort of signal that they might be amenable? Am I crazy to think that I’m out of these particular guys’ league? (Yes, I might be *conceited* to think that… but am I crazy, too?)
What the hell are you doing reading all the way to the end of this long post? Go do something productive! 
September 2nd, 2007 at 4:52 am
Why do men hit on so many women? Here is why…
It is not often spoken, but there is a huge distinction between how men and women behave in the dating game. The risk of rejection is primarily on men. We are the ones who have to ask women out. We are the ones who have to propose marriage. We are the ones who risk getting shot down.
That is not an insignificant thing.
Being rejected can suck. Men will often ask a women out, not because they are interested in a woman, but because they really AREN’T that interested. If they really don’t care one way or another, there is no harm in getting shot down. They can get some without any risk. Likewise, if they really do like a woman, they may be more apt to take their time or less likely to risk rejection
Women assume that if they are getting hit on, it is because the guy in interested in them. This is why so many women get stuck with assholes. Why models complain about not getting dates. Why the guys you want to have ask you out never do. Because most women would rather never date someone than accept the risk of rejection themselves.
September 2nd, 2007 at 4:55 pm
I think men view hitting on us as a numbers game and view their chances of success in terms of statistics. “If my chances of getting laid are 1 in 100, I only have to hit on 100 women to get laid! Voila!”
I totally relate to your sense of frustration with AFF. I, too, had a very detailed profile and spent a couple hundred dollars with a silver membership over the course of two years. I met two couples there in all that time and I still never found what I was looking for. I also placed ads on CL, and felt like NSA and FWB weren’t what I was looking for either. I’d advertise myself as looking for an “open relationship” and 99 out 100 men just didn’t “get it”. It’s so hard to be a woman who is looking for more than that, but not monogamy (which feels like chains to me). I really do hope that you find what you’re looking for.
September 3rd, 2007 at 11:51 pm
I think there is a very fine line between FWB and an open relationship. Open to what?
If it’s just sex, how is it different than swinging? If it isn’t just sex, then I don’t think many guys (or women for that matter) will really put any effort into something they know from the outset isn’t really going to go anywhere.
Do you define monogamy as having sex with only one person, or having a “relationship” with only one person?
September 8th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Maybe he recognized you from AFF but didn’t want to say so
September 23rd, 2007 at 5:52 pm
g — So, basically, you’re telling me that there’s lots of guys who are in no way interested in me at all and that’s why they’re hitting on me? Uhm… great?
September 23rd, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Shodashi — actually, I wouldn’t describe my experience with AFF as frustrating. I mean, overall, it’s been fairly successful. For what it is.
Yeah, open relationship is what I’m looking for basically too. Monogomy — blech. I’d *really* like it if the guy actually got off on my having sex with other guys, too, though. And yes, guys like that ARE out there! I just haven’t found the right one yet.
Good luck to you, too!
September 23rd, 2007 at 5:59 pm
g– personally? Monogomy to me is sex with only one person.
The fact that you say there’s a fine line between FWB and an open relationship means that you don’t really get either. (Damn, that sounds insulting, and I don’t mean it to be… both of those thing just aren’t made for everyone.)