Sluttiness and Respect
No, the two concepts are NOT mutually exclusive.
I understand that there are people who have no desire to have sex with a lot of people and/or don’t want to be with someone who has. And I don’t judge them. I have a friend who has every intention of staying a virgin until marriage. As long as that’s what she really wants (as opposed to thinking that’s what she’s *supposed* to want), I applaud her for living her life the way that makes sense to her. (And, btw, with this friend in particular, I DO believe that it’s what she really wants.)
So, it irritates me when people judge me for wanting to not only have lots of sex, but also to have lots of sex with lots of people. That’s to be expected, though, even thought it irritates me.
I had a conversation with another friend recently, a guy, who knows some about my “adventures” on AFF. He said, “You know, this may be fun but none of these guys are going to actually respect you at all when it’s all said and done.”
??? My reaction: Uhm, if they don’t respect me afterwards then they probably didn’t beforehand either and in either case, I don’t really CARE for their “respect”. It’s not worth anything. It takes TWO– or more, if we’re lucky 
— to participate in these supposedly unrespectable activities. And, btw, I’m not going into a anti-man-double-standard-for-women rant. It just happens that I’m a woman who’s having sex with men. I’m pretty sure I could be typing this post if the combination were any other sort, too.
I kind of referred to this idea in my last post, I think. I only want to be with a guy who DOES respect that I love sex. And that I love having sex with a variety of people. My *ideal* would be having a steady relationship with someone who was *turned on* by that. But, just accepting it is all that’s necessary.
I have had some of the guys I’ve met act as though they’re surprised that I’ve met with and plan on continuing to meet with OTHER guys from the site. Hello? Was I the only girl you were emailing and hoping to hook up with? Did you notice my I CALL myself a slut?
Anyway, what prompted this post? A post from another blog that I chanced upon.
It’s a post about men thinking of women as sluts and calling them that and acting towards them like that and about how a guy couldn’t respect a woman like that so why does he do that? Ok, that’s not the best summary, but hopefully it sort of makes sense anyway.
I guess a huge part of the problem, and I DO think there’s a problem, is that there’s no word for a woman who “sleeps around” that isn’t derogatory. I no longer think of “slut” as deragotory, so I don’t mind using it. (Well, also cuz dirty talk and being called names in a sexual context turns me on…) Ahem, anyway.
Anyway, I’ve realized that I sometimes read way too much into emails or what’s written in blogs, so maybe I’m doing that once again, but the blog author and some of the comment writers seemed to be so… negative towards people who DO sleep around. Like I said above, I have NO problem whatsoever with people who DON’T sleep around. Or who don’t understand why someone would. But don’t make assumptions about the type of person than I am just because I want to and do.
And this wasn’t in that blog post or comments, but I’ve read implied elsewhere…
No, I was not abused as a child. I wasn’t neglected. I actually had a rather wonderful childhood. I’m not looking for sex to make up for anything else missing in my life. I just like it. I like how it feels. How it makes me feel.
So, this is why I love this blogging thing. Something prompts me to have something to say. And now I have a place to say it.
I know the author of the blog piece above was NOT trying to make anyone feel badly. And I’m not at all trying to make HER or the commenters feel badly either! I just want to offer up my point of view for consideration. Sometimes it just really feels good to pour all these thoughts out of my brain, too. 